quarter-life crisis

first-world problem

25 was when quarter-life crisis struck me for the first time.

Being new to the workforce with much more to learn from the veterans...
Having savings which allow me to be jobless for a year or two but not enough for anything bigger...
Being surrounded by friends whom I knew for less than 4 years and most were still in uni...
And being in a relationship which I'm not sure of its future...
Basically, everything's not here nor there.

Hence, came the doubt of whether I'm at the right place at all.

The questions which came across my mind were:

Do I like my job?
Is this what I wanna do for the next 10 years?
Do I follow my passion or continue doing what I'm doing for the sake of making a living?
What's my passion?
What are my life goals?
Where would I be in 5 years?
Where do I want to be in 5 years or 10?
Am I mixing with the right circle of friends?
Should I expand my network, mix with a more mature bunch?
Should I move back to be closer to my family?
Have I made full use of my life thus far?
When should I settle down?
What do I do with my savings?
Is it too much to dream of buying my own property?
How and when do I wanna retire?
Am I happy where I'm at?
Is life all about earning, living, saving, repeat?
If I die tomorrow, does anything still matter?

There were good and bad days.
I'd see my boss work till 7pm and wonder is this the life I want.
I'd look at my colleague who leaves at 5pm sharp to pick up his kid and shudder at the idea of settling down and having kids.
I watched the sushi-maker at a Japanese shop make sushi and thought maybe I'd be happier and more stress-free with a hands-on job like this.

Some days I'm grateful for my engineering job and the money it pays.

Some days I think it's meaningless spending 12 hours a day (including travel time), 5 days a week on work.
Some days I'm proud of my job and the difference it brings to the wider community.
Some days I'd think maybe going back to Msia for good is a better idea, some days I'd be like better not.

It's a constant never-ending cycle; until the mind is determined to get itself out of the cycle.

So I decided to take 3 months break.
Away from work.
Away from relationship.
Away from the confusing environment.
Went on a backpacking-style holiday to Hanoi.
Took care of my newborn nephew.
Did nothing for the rest of the break.

After 3 months...

I decided that I shall go back to being an engineer because it's a better-paying job than a junior sushi-maker. Just joking Lol.
The aim was to save more money, at least financially prepare myself for future endeavours. Perhaps retire by 40?
I also thought I should live more like a working-adult and less like a student to 'feel' belong and more connected to the life of a mid-twenties.
I shall also pay more attention to national and world news/info which I should be concerned of: taxes, property, finance, politics, budget, health, etc. Knowledge has to grow with age. Otherwise, it's called being ignorant and living in denial.

I stopped doubting my career path.
I had an aim with my savings.
I became picky with friends.
Invested more time on the right people and less on the not-so-right ones.
Sydney will be the place to be. Unless circumstances change in the future.
Most of the my doubts were answered and direction set.

5 years on...

30 was when the crisis struck me again.
This time at a different level, not as serious as before. Lol.
My career path is kinda fixed.
There's no more questioning about passion and interests.
There is a balance of young immature friends, fun and happening friends, stable and successful friends, and long-term trustworthy friends.
And also some friends/ex-colleagues/colleagues from work.
Settled with one property.
I couldn't have asked for anything more.

The questions are now:

Am I progressing well enough in my career?
Should I bother being a chartered professional in my field?
Would I stay long enough in this field to make the chartership worthwhile?
What do I do with my savings?
Who should be my beneficiaries?
What other things - investments, small business - can I venture in?
Can I retire by 40?
Have I spent the last 30 years well? Could I have done better?
What can I do now so I don't regret at 40?

Hahaha.
Perhaps I think too much but it's good to know I'm not the only one.
It's a common first-world problem.
The ones who think will get somewhere, the ones who don't will stay put forever. 
The way to get over it is to face the questions, find answers for the 'why, what, who, how, when', and execute upon them.

If we know how to drive, and there are roads to travel on, rest assured that we'll end up somewhere.
Those who refuse to learn how to drive and refuse to pick a road, will hence stay where they are for good or worse.

I know how it feels like to be doubtful and doubted as I was once there myself.
One advice to people who have symptoms of this crisis is, gratitude.
Counting blessings and recalling the things you're grateful of are ways to remind you that you're already doing well and you're good where you're at.

seize the moment

don't take moment and opportunity for granted

Within a couple of weeks, I've heard news of people's loved one passing away due to heart attack/stroke. With no warning nor goodbye. Three of them.

They reminded me of how unpredictable life is and how chaotic it could be at times. 

And then this quote came along.

The women, concerned of the amount of calories they consume, waved off the dessert cart.

For they thought they'd have chance to come back to it another time - dessert can wait - the ship then sank. 

Such is life. 

Seize the moment.

As now, then, and later won't ever be the same.

As now is now, then is past.

As later is a product of now. 

Moment - seize, reminisce, and not freeze.

money vs friend

only lend money to friends if you don't mind not getting it back

Money is a sensitive issue.
It has the ability to ruin, rock or make relationships complicated.
That's why people often say we shouldn't make money an agenda when it comes to relationship with people - be it family, friends, or your significant other.

How much do you have?
How much do you make?
Would you lend me some money?
You still owe me 50 cents.

Also because of its complicated nature, money can be used to gauge how strong is your relationship with another person or how much you trust each other. The stronger the relationship, the more you won't see money as an issue between the two of you. You're more willing to reveal/sacrifice without a second thought.

Recently, I have a friend who asked if he could borrow $600 from me.

$600 is a fairly small amount to borrow for 'emergency'.

$600 can also be easily cashed out from a credit card or overdrawn from a debit card.

Why would a professional with a permanent full time job not have $600 in his bank account?

Why just $600? And why me?

What if I didn't lend it to him and he ends up in a bad situation?

What if he really needed this badly?

When asked what happened, he refused to elaborate.
'Something came up suddenly, but nothing serious.'

I respect his privacy but don't I deserve to know what my $600 is for?

I asked a couple of trusted common friends about what they think about borrowing $600 to this friend of ours.

One said he doesn't mind borrowing but he wants to know what is it for.
One said no, because of past bad experiences of lending money to people.
Fair enough.

I could have asked a few more friends but I decided it might be bad for his reputation. It should be between the two of us to start with.

Eventually, I lent it to him.
I also prepared myself for the worst, that I might not be getting the $600 back.
If the worst happens, it's a $600 lesson of Don't Borrow Money to Anyone. Once and for all.

Someone who has the courage to ask for $600 without the slightest thought/respect that people ought to know what their money is gonna be used for - is quite a disrespectful person, in my opinion.
Just because I know better to respect you, doesn't mean you can take advantage of it and put me at a disadvantaged position. It's like taking a friend for granted.

On the other hand, I offered to help a friend who's been behind on credit card payment.
=_="
No, I'm not filthy rich.
I just wanted to help a friend pay less on credit card interest.
Although the amount is more than $600, I didn't need a second thought as I'm certain I'll get my money back. I've got nothing to lose.
This friend also has nothing to hide so I'm clear of what I'm paying for.

For the one who took the $600, this will be the first and last time.
Besides teaching me not to lend money to anyone, it also taught me that it's hard to trust someone who doesn't trust you in the first place.
Never ask for help if you're not ready to be naked with your stories; it only leaves people with more doubt about you and your personal values - that you aren't an honest person.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. The money or the friend.

So, he who borrows money from a friend and doesn't bother explaining himself, must have valued the money more than the friend?

I'm glad that I'm at a position which allows me to help them financially.
It's a blessing to be able to help.