one's joke is another person's sorrow

practise what you preach

I went to a meditation cum Dhamma talk session last Sunday at a friend's place. It was conducted by a visiting monk (shifu) from Malaysia.

As Buddhism is about the 'way of life', I always reserve a 'why not?' attitude towards it.

And so happen this friend of mine is always full of enthusiasm and energy when it comes to attracting or bringing people to the session/talk she organises.

When someone is all hyped about something and sincerely invites you to share the fun or experience, to me, it requires more effort to reject than to comply. Most of the time, it's a yes for me if there's no reason to reject.

If a simple YES can really make her day, why not?

During the talk, the shifu mentioned how we could send metta to those we love - for example, our mum. And since it was also the Mother's Day, he asked if we've called to wish our mums.

The room was filled with silence. No response from everyone.

He looked around and said, 'Why isn't there a response? Don't you people have mother???!'

And the room laughed.

I almost wanted to say NO to him.
And I didn't think it was funny.

This might have a little to do with my background but for most of it I felt that as a teacher, as much as you preach on life's impermanence, shouldn't you have the slightest sensitivity and awareness that no family member would stay alive forever - hence at some point, someone, somewhere, somehow, actually does NOT have a mother; or father.

Little do you know that the someone (or two) is/are right there in that very room where the joke was cracked.

Missing a parent is not a big deal if you've fully-accepted the fact that he/she is/would be gone one day. Until someone comes and crack a joke about it because he thinks not having a mum or a dad could be funny...

I started to reflect on the times when we (siblings or cousins) call out to each other and when there is no response from the other party, we tend to say 'Are you deaf?' or 'Are you mute?'.

Or when people ask if we could help to pick up something from the next room and pass it to them, we sometimes say 'Can't you do it yourself? Don't you have legs?'.

We do have an aunt and uncle (cousin's parents) who are deaf and mute. And our late grandma was also suffering from hearing loss for as long as I knew her.

Was my cousin offended? Was grandma sad?

I feel them now.

Thanks for this valuable lesson - if not because of your insensitivity, I wouldn't have learned it.

The closest you could get in understanding someone - seeing what he sees and feeling what he feels, is not just by putting your feet in his shoes - you have to walk in them.

This Mother's Day, I've walked in two persons' shoes.

Never base a joke on one's mishap. Lesson learnt.