monday mess

life gets messy sometimes,
in order to stay interesting

Decided to not 'race' to work today.
Left home at 8.40am for the 'walking meditation' to the station. Lol.
Stopped by Macq Centre to recharge the Opal.
Got in to work at 9.40am.

1. When I was making coffee, one engineer came in, asked about my weekend, thanked me for sharing the 'Better Place' to them, followed by 'I've completed A and B, when you're ready can you come around my desk to explain the next task to me.' I said Ok (but let me have my brekky, read some news and articles, and check my emails first? Haha).

2. As I sat down and checked my phone, I saw texts from the housemate who's moving out this Friday. She's moving out on Friday but only paid till Thursday. I was giving her kind reminder on the rent. She let go at me and called me RIDICULOUS. I hesitated on whether I should point out to her that there is something called 'courteous' in the English dictionary which we should use when dealing with issues and talking to people. In the end, I told her not to be cranky and be more calm and professional. Hahaha.

Halfway through, I decided to stop dealing with her as it starts to affect my mood for the day. Only got back to her after the day has wound down a little and I'm mentally ready to deal with her shit.

She gave up replying. Maybe I had too much facts which she can't win over. Lol. 

When she got home, we discussed in a peaceful manner, and she said sorry for being mean and harsh, and I'm not the only person she's mean to today. Well okay, not that I take your 'barking' seriously anyway. Thanks for training and putting my patience to test. I think I passed the test again.

3. I'm supposed to review some drawings and designs for issue by lunchtime. Found so many funny notes in the drawings, by the ex-team leader. Now that my name is going to be on the drawings, I need to make sure I don't look like a clown. The designer is working in another office which makes communication more difficult and slow.

4. Then this email came in, Subject: ACTION REQUIRED: EXPENSE CLAIM REJECTED.
The email shows that the sender is the accountant in the UK office. UK? What the hell?
So I hit forward to the accountant in Sydney and the IT guy who designed this crippled accounting system, and CC the Operations Manager of Sydney office.

As I was typing the email, the Sydney accountant turned up beside me and went 'Hahaha'.
Like wtf? Sitting next to me, laughing at my screen?
I looked at her and said 'Sorry, I'm pissed now, give me a minute I need to type this email.'

My email went "Can someone tell me what is happening here? Expense claims often get stuck in the cloud for ages and only to be informed that it hasn't been processed. Let me know where do I go from here. Thanks and Regards."

When I turned to the accountant,
Me: Yes? What are you here for?
Her: 'I rejected your 10 dollars claim.'
Zzzzz.
Me: Why? And why did the email has to come from the UK? *looking calm on the outside, but eyes rolling on the inside*
Her: I thought it was mistake. So I declined. But I ask M, he said it was right. So maybe you want to submit it again. That's not from UK, it's by the system.
Me: Why did you think it was wrong?
Her: I didn't know. I thought you shouldn't charge it to a Project.
Me: (that's the dumbest thing to say and do) *screaming in my lungsssssss* 
Her: Can you resubmit?
Me: Ok. I'll do that when I'm free. *roll eyes for the millionth time*
Her: Are you still pissed?
Me: Ya, kinda. It's a freaking crap system. Why does one claim have to go through 4 diff people, back and forth? That's the only thing he is paid to do here, and he can't even get it right. What is he here for?

Honestly, they should have paid whatever price for a 'healthy' system than paying this IT guy some ongoing salary for a crap system. Why does accountant have the right to reject claims which were approved by the Project Manager? It should be as simple as 3 steps: Submit. Approve. Pay.
And not Submit. Send On. Approve-1. Approve-2. Finalise. Pay. Shit system.

5. The engineer came back again cos I forgot to drop by her desk to explain her next task. In fact, I didn't forget, I haven't stopped since I got in. Ok. There goes 20 mins. And then another person came. And another one. I wonder why they can't pick up things on their own. If I managed to do it, I don't see why they can't. Not angry, just tired of repeating. :(

6. Because the admin did not come in today, I had to answer every freaking call and every freaking garage buzz for her. How many things can I handle at a time man? I was so annoyed with it that I sent out emails asking everyone to inform me if they are expecting guests to come through the garage. I will now ignore all uninformed buzz's.

7. A friend is visiting this week and I'm kinda packed. Thought I could use a little help from another friend to accompany this friend. But the first thing she told me was, I can only do Fri dinner or Sat dinner or Sun brunch. OR??? Ok. Not very helpful but that's okay. I'll put this aside for today cos my brain is getting too overwhelmed by now.

8. Then, the sampat girl in Msia text me to see if she could use my aussie address to get some swimming trunks delivered. It's for her husband's cousin's sons. BOYSsss. I was like what kind of trunks have to be specially bought from Aus? She said Funky Trunks.

So I had these funky men in funky trunks on my wide screen monitor while I typed the delivery address to her. Suddenly, the engineering manager came behind me. And went....'C, do you know where's Ann.............oh wow! What's that?'

=_=""""""

Me: Hahahahaha. Woops.
Him: Hahaha. *paiseh face*
Me: Hahaha. My friend's asking me to buy some trunks. (Omg. The dumbest reply ever! My 'friend' is a female, and the trunks are for BOYS, website shows MEN. I'm not actually shopping for trunks for a male. zzZZzzz)
Him: *trying to continue talking but keep getting distracted by the funky stuff*. Hahaha I'll pretend like I never saw it. *close his eyes*

I quickly minimised the browser while he talks. Lol.

9. And then, the unibuds club president text me to see if I can attend a meeting this Sunday morning, to share some experiences/knowledge or anything. Ahhhhhhhhhh. Can the day get any more exciting? Thankfully, I have a roommate who has met almost all of my friends. Lol. She agreed to accompany my visiting-friend on Sunday morning so I'm able to 'help' attend the meeting.

Left work at 5.30pm. Goal achieved!

Despite a longgggggg and somewhat taxing Monday, I believe the week will only get better. Hehe.

work to live

work to live

38 hours week + 200% efficiency

Now that the team leader is gone, I was requested to step up as the lead in the interim of them hiring someone with the right experience for the type of works we do. With the nightmare we went through with an incapable leader, they now realised the importance of right experience.

Over night, my scope of works now includes design reviews, give technical input, and attend meetings with the clients and project managers; at the same time managing and working on another project which dues in 2 weeks.

No matter how busy work is, I believe in working efficiently within the 'standard' working hours of not more than 8 hours spent at work (including time spent for lunch), maximum tolerance is 8.5 hours. Anything more than that, I'll feel like life is meaningless and I then need to throw a sickie to readjust mentally.

Whenever people ask what time can I make it for dinner (after work), I always say ANYTIME. Even if it's 5.30pm, I'll make it there. Working hours should be adjusted to suit personal commitments, not the other way round.

It's been a struggle to keep up with my no-OT philosophy lately. With deadlines, random meetings, and random tasks popping up here and there. Also suddenly been grabbed into a 1 hour interview and last minute meeting invites.

The alarm used to be 6.45am.
Then 6.30am.
Recently, it's 6 or 6.15am.

Finishing hour used to be BY 5.30pm. Then 6pm. Then 6.30pm.
Now 7pm seems normal.

Things only feel worse without Daylight Saving Time,
Catching the sun when it's at its meanest position - shining right in front of your eyes.
Missing the romantic sunsets.
Leaving the office only when the street lights are on.
Going home to junk for dinner because it's too late to make proper food.
And laundry is left out for half a week, and another 1.5 weeks in before it gets sorted and ironed.

This is UNSUSTAINABLE.

At the same time, the housemate thinks it's perfectly NORMAL to work 11 hours a day, regardless of the efficiency and the crap (or no) dinner after work. I could never understand this concept, until I recalled, she gets paid by the hour. The more inefficient they are, the richer they get. Oh well...

If I ever became a boss, I shall never condone working OT in my business.
Get your job done and get out of the office after 5pm. Shit. Don't bludge around and expect to get paid extra.

The lengthy working hours make me a lifeless fish on weekdays.
I only come alive after I step out of the office on Friday night.
So bad.
Life should really be 24/7 not 24/2.

When I left at 6.20pm on Thursday for a Birthday dinner, my colleague was surprised.
You leave early today!, he said.
6pm = early?
Should I be happy that I actually left 'early' or I should mourn cos I haven't left earlier than 6pm in a long time? :(
He then asked, Do you work to live, or live to work?
I startled.
My motto has always been eat to live, work to live.
Based on my recent records, it now seems funny if I told him I work to live.
So I said, I live to work for now, but it won't be long. And forced out a smile, while mourning inside.
It hits me at the right spot. I'm literally living to work now.

Goal set.

For the coming weeks, I'll work the normal 38 hours cos I want my life back!

always bring id

only the photo id matters on a night out (for girls)

everything else is not important

Just days after I mentioned that I haven't been on site since February, I received email at 11.17pm asking me to go on site. Kinda jinxed myself this time. 

Site work right before the start of a long weekend and a night out. 

Tell me about right timing. Gahhhhhhhhh.

Knowing that it's gonna be rainy, I had to dress 'properly' for the weather. 

So I put on my site pants and shirt in the morning. 

Such UNGLAMOROUS outfit.

For the first time I doubted my decision of becoming an engineer - because 'gorgeous' and 'site engineer' don't come in parallel. Hahaha.

Engineer's outfit is shabby, ugly, waterproof, and comes in only 3 colours: navy, florescent yellow, and florescent orange. 

Mine are already in ladies' cutting and I still look like a rapper in baggy clothes. 

The footwear is black, heavy, bulky, and hard as anything. Even double-socks won't help in comforting my poor feet.

The hat is ugly too!

The only thing that looks 'cool' is perhaps the protective sunglasses. At least one thing. Hehe.

Because I can't stand looking so unglamorous, I decided to heck the weather and change into my skinny pants and smart-looking shirt - for site. 

Sacrifices are required in order to look good. Lol.

View like this is the cause for my love-hate relationship with this profession.
There are always two sides to everything isn't it?

The weather was kind for most of the day. 

It only rained after 85% of the work was completed. 

Thankfully I didn't come in full-on engineer gears, I'd be so depressed looking ugly for nothing. Lol.

Bad news is we have to return to complete the remaining 15%. Bummer.

Got back to the office, washed and changed, then went to the city.

Only realised at 9pm that I left my photo ID in the site bag, in the office. 

And the office swipe card has gone travelling in the housemate's car for the weekend. 

Great.

From the unexpected site work to how the swipe card got carried away for the weekend, it's telling me that I should stay sober over the weekends. Lol.

Unless I carry my passport around but I'm not that desperate yet.

I transferred 2 credit cards, 2 debit cards, and 2 medical cards from the site bag. But not the ID. 

Like seriously? 

Could of leave all the money cards behind and still be able to get (free) drinks with just an ID.

No ID = no drinks.

Went home and started the weekend with toilet-cleaning. Lol.

The rest of the weekend went like any ordinary weekend. 

Spent 200 bucks eating out (even without alcohol), unbelievable. 

As usual, the first question you get at work on the morning after a weekend is How was your weekend?

My reply was Great. And sober. 

Haha. Lesson learnt. 

farewell

a hard goodbye deserves a smile because it happened, 

not because it ended

Got to the office at 10am yesterday.
Had a quick breakfast, checked emails, and calendar.
There was a meeting invitation for 'Derek's farewell presentation' at 11am.

His reaction to the invitation was Do we really need this? Are you people trying to embarrass me on my last day? Wanna see me tear up?

Ann told him to bring a box of tissues with him. Lol. How supportive is that?

I thought he was joking about tearing.
He has always been the rational, calm, and no-worries kinda person. The last thing I'd expect from him is being emotional.

By the time I sent out two emails, it's 11am. Time for the presentation. He went into the boardroom with a box of tissues. Lol.

screen showing how he looks like in review meetings - where engineers get grilled

He's leaving Sydney for good and also resigned from the company he has worked for for 30 years.

All for the sake of his passion in engineering - to make things happen. He's going to work on a project to put a $2 billion pounds tunnel under the renown Stonehenge site.

He said if not because of the project, he would not have made the decision to leave Sydney. The last 1 year had been the best 1 year of his life. And he'll definitely be back in the future.

And he started tearing...........omg!
Haha.

Only so far written by half the office and it's already 80% filled.

The A3 farewell card. Not the typical 'All the best and good luck' wishes. The long messages show just how much he means to us :(

After the presentation, he spent a few mins on his own in the boardroom to straighten up. Haha.

At 2pm, he decided to go for drinks as he couldn't concentrate while being emotional.
He told me to join him if I want to, whenever.
I couldn't concentrate either. There's always Monday to do all the works isn't it? Lol.
So I went down to join him and Ann.

He told me when he first decided to come to Sydney, his brother-in-law warned him that Sydney is the place on earth where once you step foot on, it's hard for you to leave.
He didn't believe him.
Now that he needs to leave, he couldn't agree more.
The weather, the city, the people, the neighbourhood, the blue skies, the culture, the simplicity, and so much more...
He is leaving with a heavy heart.

He was the person who interviewed me for my role, hence was the first person I met from the company.
He taught me to love what I do and do it well.
He told me to be great at what we do and be proud of it.
He bought me a plant to 'green' up my desk.

When I left the farewell party that night, his last words for me were, 'You be good' in which I replied, 'I will.'

It was a short 12 months encounter but a very memorable one.

Thanks for being a part of my career journey. You will be missed.

never burn bridges

keep bridges well

no river will only be crossed once in life

I have to admit that I've been blessed with helpful colleagues and seniors in my previous job.
Of course, they were a few nasty ones but they're not worth to be mentioned.

Those who helped me grow.
Those who inspired me to think and solve problems like an engineer.
Those who taught me to be tough.
Those who covered my ass when there were holes in my pants.
Those who helped justify my sickies to the boss when I wasn't really sick - just sick of work.
Those who came up with excuses for me when I decided to 'work-from-home'.
Those who shared their experience unconditionally.
Those who shared knowledge on investment, insurance, tax return, etc.
Those who served as my talking encyclopedia, allowing me to be reliant on them for quick answers.
Those who taught me to save on household bills.
Those who made working hours seem short and fun.

I miss them all!

Everyone who has asked about my new job - family, friends, ex-colleagues - would have heard stories about my current incompetent team leader.

While family and friends provide a pair of listening ears, a pair of reading eyes, and some words of wisdoms, ex-colleagues have come about with job opportunities for me.

Each time I speak to my ex-senior, he'd ask if I'd like to return to the company.
The answer is always No. Haha. I can't see myself turning back to the path I left behind.
Though I really miss working with them, the key is to advance and not look back.

A senior I've worked with in a joint venture project has also told me about job opportunities in his company. I've missed the Linkedin message until 2 months later. Woops...

Recently, another ex-senior has informed me of a job opening in his company. I've decided to try my luck this time.
It's not a guarantee that grass will be greener on the other side, but where I am now, the grass isn't any greener either. I've got nothing to lose.

People say, wherever you go, never burn bridges.

My experience proves that any river would be crossed more than once in life.
Keep the bridges and keep them well, so no repair is required when you need to cross that particular river again.

leader with ego

ego and good leadership don't function together

So, we haven't spoken more than 5 sentences in the 3.5 days since he came back from holidays.
A very apparent sign of a strained work-relationship. Hehehe.

Him: How was your Melb trip?
Me: Ok.

Him: Are you checking those drawings?
Me: Yes I will. But not now.

Him: Have you submitted the form?
Me: I did.
Him: You didn't copy me in the email so I wasn't aware.
Me: Ok.

Me: You can have a look at the Appendix first.
Him: Ok. I'll look at it tomorrow.

There's nothing healthy with the way we're communicating now.
He is obviously pissed at something.
But who cares? LOL.

The story is, he did a crap job on one of the projects and it attracted few criticisms on the work he produced. As a team leader, even if you didn't produce those crap, you automatically absorb the blames anyway. What more the situation now is, he did those crap and he is also the leader. Double shot. Lalala.

The criticisms were raised when he was on holidays so we picked up his mess and got it sorted before he returned. For him to apply the silent treatment on me (specifically) is totally understandable. He must have thought I'm all above his head now and he has nowhere to stand as a leader. So it's a mixture of embarrassment and ego in his attitude. He's also 'punishing' me silently by refusing to assist me or provide input/comments on anything.

Now, he doesn't bother checking on the progress of the amendments under way - started the crap and won't participate in rectifying it. He doesn't bother checking on the progress of all other projects. He just sits muted and rooted to his desk. That's okay. The more jobs I got done without his assistance, the more he would feel he's hopeless and redundant in this office.

I'm enjoying the sight of him:
- Being emo at his little corner
- Being very uninformative (as usual) that no one bothers asking him anything
- Being not useful to the team cos he can't give proper technical advice, he can't lead the team, he can't guide the team, he can't do his own work correctly, he can't convince us that he knows his stuff.

Somehow he has to wake up from his slackness, recklessness, and hopelessness.

What a start to 2016.....it's just the beginning.

project manager wannabe

be tough

A whole list of tasks each day.

Over 15 people to deal with and their issues are all inter-dependant.

It all goes back and forth, back and forth...through me.

Don't know what I got myself into with all these additional managerial works.

Gahhhhhhhhhh.

Suddenly it's 1pm while my breakfast still sits on the table.

Suddenly it's 2pm and I haven't had lunch.

Suddenly people are packing to go home because it's 4.50pm. 

Suddenly it's Friday tomorrow.

Omgggg. Time does fly.

Only get to sketch some concept design after 5.30pm when the emails and phone calls stop.

The almost a century old granny will get new retaining walls next year if all goes well.

No one really knows the hard work behind this.
No one questions 'how'.
It's okay.
That's what engineers do, they make things happen.

Once in a purple moon, I need a food therapy to straighten my mind.
Craving for Korean hotpot.
Reminds me of how my sis and I used to finish a hotpot for 4 and fall into 24 hours of food coma.
Those were the days.
Now I wish my sis still flies with the SIA.
Oh well, the craving will go soon.

Tomorrow is another day.
Two weeks to 2016.

when you have colleague like this...

laugh and get over it

For the night work on Sunday, we were supposed to inspect a bridge which spans over Road A.

While waiting for the traffic management to be set up, he decided to drive to Road A to check out the conditions under the bridge.
He set his GPS to Road A and found that the GPS shows a longer route.
So he asked if I trust a GPS.
I said yes.
He said he doesn't trust the GPS because it's taking a longer route when Road A is just round the corner.
I told him if he knows the way, just ignore the GPS.
He confidently said he is sure where Road A is.
In 2 mins, we arrived at 'Road A'.

It was in the middle of the night and pitch black.
We were relying on the street lights from above the bridge to guide our eyes.
He started looking at the bridge from below it.

The more I looked, the more I find the bridge different.
Out of nowhere there was reinforced soil wall around the abutments but the old 1950's drawings I've seen do not show any wall. So I thought the walls were newly-added features.

Me: Hmm...why did they build the soil wall now? Is there any use at all? 
Him: (wasn't paying attention to me)
Me: If the wall's there, how are we gonna inspect?
Him: Hmm, I don't know...

The bridge looked really different from the construction drawings.
Even without much lighting, I could tell it looks different.
The piers were circular while the drawings I saw have squarish piers.

Me: Hey, I don't think this is the right bridge. I don't remember seeing walls in the drawings. And it has circular piers? 
Him: Sorry?
Me: See. Circular piers. And soil walls? Since when?
Him: You're right...
Me: ??? Omg?! What are we doing? Where are we actually? Lol.
Him: Jialat man. Luckily you're observant. If not, we'll be doing the wrong bridge tonight.
Me: ..... 
Him: Why are you laughing man? Jialat. Now you gonna tell the whole world about this.
Me: The bridge looks completely different, you know?

Sweat. It's so not funny but I found myself laughing.
I was speechless and confused as to how he could get the bridge wrong.
And no wonder the GPS was taking a 'longer route'.
Talking about not trusting a GPS? LOL.

Usually I'd get very pissed when he does mistakes like this - not getting things right the first time.
I guess I was emotionally drained, sleepy, and tired to feel anything that night.
And also, earlier when I arrived at where he was supposed to pick me, I found him napping in the car. He must have waited for a bit, though I was right on time. I felt sorry for him and decided to be kind for a night. Poor old man meets a lady with a soft heart. Haha.

After the whole GPS joke, we went to Maccas while waiting for traffic management to close the highway.
We chatted in a more casual way. I was less aggressive and more patient.
I felt he has been trying very very hard to know me better.
I wished it's all written on my face so it makes life easier for him.
I know I'm difficult to grasp and can be difficult at times.
Maybe one day, he'll give up trying. Haha.

What I learned from this night shift is...I can be kind to him. 
I shall keep this in mind.

P/s: He went for other site inspections this week. Took hundreds of photos at a few sites. Returned to the office only to find that the photos weren't saved on the memory card. King of jokers.

If I went with him, I wonder if I would be mad at his carelessness?
Maybe if I were there, I could have saved his day - again. Hehehe.

communication skills

communication, bridges to all minds

This week, we had one full day of communication training at work.

The course first helps us to identify and understand ourselves better and then, identify the behaviours of people around us be it families, friends, or colleagues. By knowing the behaviours of others, we could then communicate using a better approach.

I find this course well-needed as we are all new to the company where no one has worked with anyone in the office for longer than 6 months. Hence, no one can really tell the true behaviour of another person yet. It comes to a point where we start to get frustrated at times with particular people in the office.

For example:
- The admin and her fussy house-keeping rules
- People not replying emails
- People not aware of meeting agendas

The course identifies 4 types of people - the purple, yellow, red, and blue.
The trainer plays a set of slides with over 50 characteristics for each of these colours. Each time a characteristic for a certain colour describes you, give yourself one point for that colour. The colour with the highest points is your main 'dot', second highest is your second 'dot', and so on.

Below are what I can recall from the course:

Purple
Free and easy
Relaxed
Think into the future
Optimistic about the future
Always need to see the bigger picture of things
Don't like to be asked about details
Not reliable
Exaggerating
Short attention span
Unable to focus on 'now'
Were school trouble-makers
Start strong, finish poor

Yellow
Attention to details
Needs to have ALL details of things
Puts importance on time, quality, making things look very nice
Completes tasks in a timely manner
Organised
Punctual
Inflexible
Have their own idea to do things
Lone worker
Not a good team player
Not approachable
Critical
Aggressive
React without fully-listening

Red
Attention to details
Loves themselves
Lack of emotions
Reluctant to change
Clarity
Direct, straight to the point
Hates people beating round the bush
Gives short and precise replies, holds back on details
Types email in bullet points
Solve problems
Delivery focus
Dominant
Reliable
Loyal
Patient
Forgive but not forget
Always perceived as introverted
Never complains until close to explosion
Win-win or lose-lose, win-lose doesn't exist

Blue
Never shows their guts
Cooperative
Sincere, no hidden agenda
Good at giving 'kind' feedback
Not sociable
Procrastinates
Kind
Caring
Approachable
Takes a long time to make decisions or make up their mind
Over-sensitive
Takes things personally
Emotional
Hates to be called stupid
Avoids confrontation

Purple and blue are people who work with 'feeling'.
Red and yellow are people who work with 'thinking'.

It turns out that out of 21, we have 14 reds, 1 yellow, 3 blues, and 3 purples.

It explains why most of the emails circulating in the office are in bullet points and very lack of emotion, why most of us love giving short replies and never automatically elaborate ourselves. I have to admit, it makes the office atmosphere very robotic and task-oriented. The 'reds' also think that we are fine being called stupid - lack of the 'blue' elements in us.

The ones who organise social stuff, give out chocolates, and bake cakes turn out to be blue dot people.

The ones who love to talk, relaxed, ignore deadlines, never finish the things they start, are miraculously the purple dots.

The lonely yellow dot, turns out to be our dear Miss Admin. LOL!!!

Now that we know each other's colours, it allows us to accept each other's way of doing things - why some people are slack off, why some people are inflexible, and why some are emotionless. Haha.

People's dots can be identified through their environment, appearance, and the way they speak.

Purple
Has messy desk
Dirty desk
Whatever
Not able to locate where things are on their desk
Talkative
Easily strike a conversation

Yellow
Tidy desk
Cleans desk at the end of each day
Nicely dressed
Goes for premium brands
Takes pride in their appearance

Red
Papers in stacks
Able to locate things within the stacks
Hates it when stuff are thrown out without their permission
Short, bullet point replies
Practically dressed
Uses worn out clothing

Blue
Personalised desk with photos, quotes, plant, etc
Prefers to work closely with others
Quiet
Courteous
Comfortably dressed

How do we show appreciation to the different colours?

Purple
Thrive for applause
Praise them daily
Never criticise them
Appreciates words more than gift

Yellow
Gives them positive attention
Organise small things for them

Red
Respect them
Give them honest appreciation
Give them 'practical' gifts
Hates surprises
Don't over praise them, else they feel awkward

Blue
Show that you care
Be sincere
Give them personal/thoughtful gift

I scored Red first and Purple second.
The bullet points, the emotionless emails, the one-word replies, the forgive but not forget, the messy stacked up desk, the inability to handle surprises, etc........all so very true.
As for the 'purple' side of me, it would be the 'whatever' attitude, the short attention span, need bigger picture, hate to be asked about details (in terms of work), was not very compliant with school rules....haha.

Coincidently, the top 3 directors in the office have red and purple as their first two dots.
Does it tell something? Hehehe.

The red majority in the office is because of the engineering nature of our job or we became engineer because we were naturally born as red dots?

In other words, the environment shapes us or we were born into it? Maybe a bit of both?

They say everyone's sequence of dots changes over time due to the people around them, the environment their in, their view on life, and so on. I hope I could drop off the red scale one day, takes things more easily, and be more of a 'blue' person with more emotions - except I hope I won't get affected by the word 'stupid'. Haha.

I did a quick check on my sisters, and they are also high on red. Geezz. Can't believe how long I've been in a robotic environment - being a robot, surrounded by robots for all my life. We should all start working on the 'blue' side of things.

In the end of the day, the course helps identify the 'style' of people around us, so that we can appreciate their good qualities, be more acceptable of their ridiculous behaviour, use a better approach in dealing with them, and use each other's strengths in bringing out the best of us.

I'm quite doubtful on the end product of having 15 red dots (and possibly more on the way) in a team - robots talking to each other with no feelings. Hahaha. I hope the minority purple, blue, and yellow won't feel suffocated by the reds. They should stop recruiting 'reds' for now.

All in all, it was a great experience which hopefully makes us all a better person in the society, at home, and at work.

incompetent

one good thing about having a bad leader

is you easily become the better subordinate

I had a discussion with the team leader yesterday.
At the end of it, I was so upset/disappointed/frustrated/sad/heart-broken/worried.
I lost confidence in him.
Technically and management-wise, I can't see how he fits in the role.
This was not the first time it happens.

Him: Are you working on changes to this?
Me: No? I thought you say to put it on hold?
Him: Ya. But you can start changing them to suit B.
Me: Sorry? Last week you said we do it according to A. Why are we doing B now?
Him: I'm pretty sure now we have to do B.
Me: Pretty sure? Is that your own assumptions or the client said so?
Him: Just my guess.
Me: zzzz
Him: I'm not sure how busy are you. Are you busy? If not, we can try B now.
Me: Last week you assured that it's A. Yesterday you told me to hold the works. Now you ask me to try B? Do you have a clear direction as to what we have to do?
Him: Not yet.
Me: Do you realise we keep repeating the same task without having a direction? It's heading nowhere.
Him: I thought it's normal to repeat?
Me: *look at him in disbelief* I thought we should AIM at getting things right the first time to avoid unnecessary repetition?
Him: It happens you know.
Me: I know it happens. But that's due to BAD PLANNING! We do without planning and without direction. That's the reason.
Him: Okkk....Let me know if you have any queries.

I turned to face my monitor while he quietly manoeuvre his chair back to his seat with him sitting on it.

We haven't spoken a word to each other ever since and only communicated via emails as of today. Lol.

What it feels like working with an incompetent leader:

- You find yourself repeating one same task over 5 times, with no conclusion and no result.
- You find yourself rowing single-handedly trying to move a kayak of two people.
- You find yourself in unnecessary meetings because he doesn't know how to prioritise what's important and what's not.
- You find yourself in a discussion with him for 30 mins only to realise that he does not know half the things that came out of his freaking mouth.
- You find yourself getting more confused after a discussion than before it.
- You find unnecessary forwarded emails in your mailbox with 'FYI' as the opening.
- You find emails ending with 'let me know if you have any queries' (as if he's ready to answer any questions), but when you ask, his responses are 'I don't know'.
- You find that he keeps checking on your work progress without a freaking idea of how long the work actually requires. Like checking at 30 mins interval for a task which requires 5 days or giving you 5 days for a 15 days task.
- You find that he often contradicts himself because he doesn't know what he wants and what needs to be done.
- You find that his favourite sentences for complicated tasks are 'I'll leave this to you' and 'Honestly, I haven't done this before'.
- You find that he sets a low target for everything he does, 'don't have to do so much until the client asks for it'. Like don't wash the dirty toilet bowl until it turns brown.
- You find that he likes using 'do it by COB xxx' for every task he gives you. Not all task requires a bloody COB deadline!
- You find him saying stuff which leaves you gobsmacked and makes you suspect his career experience. Like when a manual car driver tells you that he drives without ever using the clutch - is he fooling you or he is a fool.

It all comes down to:

- Lack of passion in what he does
- Lack of sense of responsibility
- Lack of planning skill
- Lack of common sense
- Lack of desire to strive
- Lack of motivation
- Lack of meaning at work
- Lack of related technical skills
- Lack of .......just anything you expect from a leader

There's just too much differences in us and our way of working.
It's a long way to go for us till we come to the middle path in our work-relationship.

stolen lunch

never accuse too early

One of the worst ways to start work after a tiring long weekend is to get in the office and find that some of your belongings have been removed by an 'unknown' force.

Worst still, if it was your lunch. Gahhhhhhhhh

The half-eaten tub of yogurt was missing.
The brand new tub was also missing.
The mayo sauce was missing.

Seriously?? Who would wanna eat someone else's half-eaten yogurt?

Whoever that was, he/she could have spared me the half-eaten tub.
And the mayo was expired by the way.

I stared at the much empty fridge for a couple of seconds. Like wth? What's for lunch?

Then I thought, a thief wouldn't steal in such an unplanned and stupidly obvious manner.
Or maybe he/she is a stupid thief?

There must have been some kind of 'open' fridge-spring-cleaning over the long weekend.
'Open' means to do it openly with or without authority and not hideous about it.

The first person who crossed my mind as The Possible Culprit was the admin. Hahaha. I know I shouldn't...

To prevent causing further abrasion between us, I thought I should let the matter go.

A tinge of reluctance crept over me...in loving memory of my sacrificed yogurt.
It was unopened. It wasn't expired. Did she even check the expiry? Why the need to throw it? She can still clean the fridge without throwing out stuff.

Should I point it out to her or keep mum? Arghhhhh...dilemma.

I opened and closed, opened and closed the fridge. Should I or should I not?

I decided to speak out because it's immoral to throw food and unethical to do it without permission from the owners.
I can't have my yogurt back but I also don't want it to sacrifice in vain.
At least point out to her that the stuff she put into the bin were still EDIBLE.
They could have fed 5 or more empty stomachs.

So I called out for her from the kitchen since she sits just 5 metres away.
I said Ann...did you see my yogurt? There were two tubs last Friday. Now there's none.
She looked a little lost.
I said the fridge looks empty too.
She said she didn't notice the empty fridge until I mentioned. Maybe the cleaner cleaned it last Friday. She'll email them to check.

Okayyy. So it wasn't her?
I was prepared for her to raise her voice at me explaining why the food needed to be binned.
Thankfully, we didn't have to go there.
She was calm and cooperative.
She might not need the anti-angryface botox anymore. Hehehe.

I acknowledge the 'difficult' sides of her.
Sometimes she loses her temper.
Sometimes she gets cranky.
Sometimes she's bossy.
Sometimes she's mean.
As I'm starting to accept her for who she is, I also hope the 'difficult' list doesn't grow any longer.
Luckily it didn't.

She later confirmed that all the fridges in our building were cleaned. But ours was not meant to be one of them. The cleaner did it by mistake. And the building manager will replace all the missing items.

Oh dear cleaner, I hope you didn't put those food into the bin but brought them home instead. Otherwise, you must be dumber than dumb.

Later, my senior told me that his new bag of tomatoes and chili mayo sauce were missing too.
He realised it first thing in the morning and thought it must be Ann who did it (looks like I'm not the only person who suspected her). Lol!
He chose to keep quiet about it just to not make her mad.
Even the Libran backed off this time; I wonder where did my courage come from this morning?
I forgot to ask if he told them to replace 'a bag of tomatoes, some lettuce, and Aldi's chili mayo sauce', that must be funny. Hehe.

Glad that we cleared the mist and didn't accuse the wrong person.
Ann's a nice person after all if we're willing to look pass her flaws.
Let's see if I can apply this on my senior.

monday joke

if the heart is good, everything else follows

Admin: I'm planning to go get Botox for my face.
Staff: Hey?
Admin: I say I'm planning to get Botox for my face, so I don't look angry all the time.
Staff: Oh, you sure it helps?
Admin: Yeh, I'll ask them. Maybe do it around here. (pointing at face)
Manager: You rather look 'surprised' than angry? Hahaha...
Admin: Ya I don't mind looking surprised at all, or stone-faced. Just not angry.
Everyone in the neighbouring cubes: *pretend it's not funny, don't laugh please*

Once a victim of her uncontrolled temper, I wished I had the courage to go tell her, 'It's not your face which is angry. You're just angry in general.'

Botox won't help.
It all comes from the heart.

Quote by Roald Rahl:

“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

job probation - passed

life is also about fulfilling other's expectations

Passed my 3 months probation - in a blink of an eye.

In the review, there were 3 of us in the room. Me, the leader, and the director (who interviewed me).

They have nothing to judge me against as in this 3 months, there was only ONE non-structural project for us to work on. Apart from that, the rest are non-technical stuff like the uncountable client CV's, client's induction modules, company's induction modules, sit-in for unnecessary meetings, unrelated site inspections, report templates, safety inductions, team meetings......

The team leader's remark was: You have an impressive CV. Just that we haven't got related jobs for you to show off your technical skills, unfortunately. 

I was then 'invited' to express my likes and dislikes of the company, its people, the environment, and anything in general.

If I were to be honest with them, I guess by the end of the probation review, I would be told to leave the company if I wish to. LOL.

Instead, I chose the 'professional' path, by saying 'All is good, I have no further comments.'

The director then asked if I'm going to complete my chartership programme anytime SOON.

What??!!!!! LOL!!!

My reply was No?

He: Why not??!
Me: Err...because there's no rush for it?
He: But. Don't you want to practise as an engineer?
Me: I am practising as an engineer now, even without the chartership.
He: Ohh. But don't you like what you're doing? Don't you feel passionate about it? It's engineering. There's so much to explore, so much interesting stuff.
Me: o.O (Hahahhaha. I know engineering is interesting. BUT. It won't get any more interesting by being a Chartered Professional Engineer, would it?)
He: Ok. Tell me what's stopping you?
Me: Nothing really. I'll get it done eventually, just that I wouldn't promise it'll be anytime SOON?
Leader: I think the first step is to get her to enrol as a member.
He: Ohh, you're not even a member????
Me: Haha. No?
He: Why not??!
Me: Cos it costs 600 over dollars and I don't use the benefits which come with it.
He: The company pays for it. You don't have to bear the cost, you know?
Me: I know. But it's still 600 dollars whether it comes from my or the company's pocket. I think it's a waste. The money can be used on other things. Plus, I can work on the chartership programme without having to become a member first.
He: It's ok. It's good for you anyway. And we are paying for it.
Me: .....
He: You can write one chapter a month if you want to go slow. It won't take long isn't it? Just a few pages for each chapter. Ok?
Me: T_T

Omg so naggy like a parent and keep assuring me that the costs will be paid for. Money is not my main concern. Grrrrrr.

I feel like saying 'Hey Dad, I know you have high hopes on me and you really love Engineering. It's been a part of you for over 40 years. I don't wanna disappoint you really, hence I'll do it and prove it to you.....ONE day. But what are we chasing after, may I know?'

Here I am, feeling contented with my current state of life, not chasing, not pushing, not stopping, not complaining.
All of a sudden, my boss came questioning me of my love and passion for my job and the need for further recognition in my career as an engineer.
He is an example of the old-school people who dedicate their whole life into doing one thing and be the best they can.
They preach 'love what you do' than 'do what you love'.

It makes me wanna cry. Haha.
Because he has such high hope on me, pushing me to achieve more, trying to cultivate engineering-passion in me.....
While all I have in mind is to keep life simple, reduce the need to chase, and slowly pace towards the finish line in a walking-meditation mode.
Haha. Very ambition-less I know.
Less is more, remember?
What a high contrast to the picture he has in mind.

Unavoidably, CPEng has now made it to my to-tick list because it is on someone's must-tick list.

Such is life...it's not all about me, myself, and I. 

spring 2015

no matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow

first day of Spring 2015

I was 'commanded' to get out of the office comfort space for site visits.

From risking our lives standing behind steel barriers on 110 km/h highway, to walking on main streets of dodgy suburbs where we were told to be more aware of the people walking near/around us due to the high crime rate, to open bush lands where there could be snakes enjoying their last moments of hibernation.

Apart from the fact that I didn't like to be forced into doing things I don't agree to (as I don't think my presence on site today is necessary) and the reports that I have to prepare from the site visits, I enjoyed the day out. 

One of the perks of being an engineer, is to be able to get some sunshine, be with nature, and discover hidden beauties in no-man's-land - and get paid for it.

I shouldn't be complaining really.

green green grass on the other side of the world

somewhere in Campbelltown

One of the many reasons why I love and appreciate this country more and more each day is that you don't have to be on holidays, in Hunter Valley or Tibet to snap a panoramic photo like this.

Nature is out there for us to explore.

We shouldn't confine our eyes and minds to just the things we've seen and experienced over and over again.

This links back to my thoughts of late that we sometimes fail to notice how much we're attached to the comfort zone we're in that we forgot that there are so much more to life than the 'shelter' we're in.

There are so much more to Sydney than the suburbs we landed on when we first arrived in Sydney.
There are so much more to Australia than Sydney and its Eastern beaches.
There are so much more to what we think we know about ourselves and life in general.

2015 - a year which I experienced the most changes and stepped out of my comfort zone numerous times.

New job, new work environment, new friends, new neighbourhood, moving from east to northwest of Sydney, finally enrolled for a driving test, and so on.

4 months left of 2015. What's next?

back-stab

忍一时风平浪静，退一步海阔天空

One of the simplest approach to a peaceful life is not to interfere with the life or practices of others. 

In other words, leave things/people alone when it's really none of your business.

And if you really can't help but have to voice it, don't use the back-stab approach.

Today's one of those days when I feel like I could win a wrestle with a bull.

I'm like a lioness on guard, ready to pounce.

But the better of me reminded myself to stay calm and composed, I'll be the bigger person today. 

So the admin wrote an email to my leader indicating:

Has she cleared her desk?

1. Her desk is like a garbage dump.

2. I cleared 4 dishes from her desk last weekend and put them in the dishwasher.

3. Office is a place for work and not for cornflakes.

4. blablabla...

The leader did not know how to respond to the admin and did not know how to pass the message on to me so he showed me the email instead.

He certainly underestimated the 'fire' in me. LOL. 

Sleeping volcanoes are the worst when they explode.

So I asked him:

Is there anything to do with her if my desk's messy? 

No wonder the glasses were missing on Monday. I did not ask her to clear that. Why was she removing things from my desk? Why is she complaining after doing things which no one told her to do in the first place?

And what's wrong with having food under the desk? The 'cornflakes' are less of a hazard than the drawers and backpack you guys have under your desk. 

Can't she tell me herself? What's with this email?

He replied: It's ok. It's ok. If that's what she wants......

Very quickly, I threw all the papers (wanted or unwanted) into the paper bin. Food into the drawers, stationery into a paper bag. What's left on the desk now is a keyboard, mouse, glass of plain water, calculator, and a desk phone. Let's see whose desk is more like a dump now. Wtf.

To respond to the 3 points above:

First of all, please be more ethical and not bitch behind people's back especially in a 'professional' working environment.

1. Please have some 'respect' for others and use appropriate words in professional environment. A MESSY desk is not a garbage dump. Does it stink? If it did, does it matter to you given that you're 10 metres or so away. Mine your own business. Do only what's on your job scope. I'm sure it doesn't include 'making sure other people's desk does not look like a dump'.

2. Did you ask permission to remove my 'dishes'? I haven't even raised questions as to why the two glasses of plain water miraculously disappeared over the weekends. PLAIN WATER. Not any food or 'dishes' as you claimed they were. ETHICS 101: Don't touch things which don't belong to you and not on your desk.

3. Office is a place NOT JUST for work. And to correct you, I haven't had cornflakes in decades. See clearly before you start accusing blindly. If I may say, office is also not a place for you to blend your whatever diet juice in the kitchen. Blenders are for home.

And after cleaning, the leader said thanks for cleaning up.

I looked at him from the sides of my eyes and told him: Ya...she better not come near me now, I'll bite.

He then told me, 忍一时风平浪静，退一步海阔天空. Haih, maybe I shouldn't have shown you the email.

Me: If I didn't 忍, I would have confronted her for what she did. Thanks for showing me that email, otherwise I wouldn't know why she was acting funny when I saw her in the kitchen yesterday.

I'll be a forgiver today.

Thanks for the opportunity to train my patience.

guardian angel

just when you think no one's there, someone's watching over you

Last week...
Halfway through work, I took a look at my dear plant and realised.....it looks different.
I examined it closely for a moment to find that it has REAL scar.
Then I lifted the pot and found water vapour beneath it.
Then the pebbles started to look like they've grown bigger and gone loose.
Then the pot seemed to weigh more than before.

W.E.I.R.D.

I looked around to check if someone's actually playing a prank on me.
Everyone was concentrating on their monitor...
I looked at the plant again.
I needed a second opinion on this weird discovery so I invited my senior to come look at the plant.

Me: Do you think it looks REAL?
Senior: Huh? No. Ann said it's fake.
Me: Sure? But it looks real...today. See the scar.
Senior: Haha. No. It's fake. Ann said it's fake. She told me.
Me: It looks REALLYYY real. See hereeeee....

He looked at it very closely.

Senior: But it's rubber. See....(trying to break a leaf)

And the leaf broke!
We both got a shock. Hahaha.
Our eyes were popping out.

Senior: Oh no! Sorry I broke it. Poor thing.
Me: I thought it was fake?
Senior: Ya. What happened?!

And then a 3rd person said...'I think Derek did something to it last night.'

Me: Oh? You saw him coming around here?
3rd: I think so. Yeah.

Ok. That explained everything. Haha.

To add to the irony, we didn't realise it's a completely differently plant and species. We thought it was the same old fake plant with a new 'real' look.

Today, I was told that the manager specially ordered two real pots for me and another lady in the office. He secretly replaced the fake one.

Thank you very much. It makes my Happy Day. :)

not all loving is love

your way of love may not mean love to others,

it may not be the way people want to be loved

I moved this poor tiny succulent to the window to spare it some natural light.
Later, I was told that it's actually a fake plant made of rubber. Haha.

It looks too real to be fake. The plant maker did a great job on this.
Though its weight could have given the clue away, I spared it some benefit of doubts because all I had in mind was to shower it with sunlight.

Now that the truth has uncovered, I still left it by the window because there's where all plants should be (real or fake) - exposed to natural light.

This reminds me of how in life, we tend to show care/love the way we like to or the way we think others might like to be cared for/loved, without considering if it actually hits the right spot.

If it does, both parties are happy.

What if it doesn't?

The receiver feels it's unnecessary.
The giver feels taken for granted.

The receiver feels annoyed.
The giver thinks the receiver isn't appreciative.

The receiver feels constrained.
The giver feels lost.

It's all due to poor understanding of each other's needs/don't-needs and wants/don't-wants.

If the giver and receiver both see care/love from their own perspective only, the over-showering of care/love is effortful but meaningless.

For the giver to note:

Not all care is caring.
Not all caring is care.
Not all love is loving.
Not all loving is love.

For the receiver to note:

Not all neglect is uncaring.
Not all uncaring is neglect.
Not all ignorance is unloving.
Not all unloving is ignorance.

Hope this post rings a bell to random people out there who happen to read it.

Also hope I haven't annoyed my loved ones with 'unnecessary' love.
If I did, do let me know before I accuse you of being ungrateful and unappreciative.

For now, all I could do for this succulent is to wipe dusts off it every other week, which is the only care it needs from me. The sunlight might actually kill it since it's made of rubber - but I still like it by the window. Hehe.

when it's time to leave

the door is open unless you close it

After 5 years 8 months and 12 days…

The usual reaction I received when people heard that I’m leaving for a new job was ‘Wow, 6 years is a long time, what makes you wanna leave?’

Honestly, it’s not something which could be summed into one or two sentences. If I were to reply seriously, it may take a couple of hours.

The level of happiness of a typical employee in a corporate environment is dependent on various factors. Most of the time, it is impossible to have everything our way – there are always gonna be things which appear to put us to test.

Below is a list of common factors contributing to an employee’s happiness level.

- Encouragement from superior
- Room for self-improvement/development
- Training for new skills or career growth
- Advice/feedback from superior
- Guidance to perform tasks or to advance in career
- Equal opportunity
- Type of work/project
- Deadline
- Work environment
- Colleague
- Treatment (whether to you or your colleague)
- How your daily tasks fit your job scope
- Involvement
- Salary
- Staff appreciation

I wouldn’t want to elaborate on each of the points above as it’s now in the past. All I could say is, I scored negative for all of them except one.

If most of your responses to this list are negative, perhaps it’s time to move on. Don’t waste time feeling miserable every working day – that’s min 8 hours x 5 days a week of your life.

After all, people who don’t work for passion, they generally work for money – to pay for basic life necessities like food, shelter, health, security, and entertainment. If in order to achieve this, we have to spend at least 1/3 of our life in a miserable state at work, is there any point of doing so?

There ought to be ‘happier’ choices out there. You don't owe it to your boss to stay loyal and faithful to him. Would he be pitiful if your annual salary hasn't gone up by $5k over 5 years? Would he feel sorry if you haven't added new skills to your resume over 5 years? No one is responsible for your happiness (at work) and career path except yourself.

And hopefully, the next will be better than the last.

resignation - part 3 - end

sincerity is best when it comes in full

Third round 5.30pm...

Me: Hi D, can we speak now or I'll come back tomorrow morning?
D: No no. Let's do it now.

He was the one who mentioned 2pm and yet I had to chase him at 5.30pm just because he couldn't care more to get all this sorted ASAP.

To cut the long story short, he promised that they can certainly give me the type of work I prefer doing. On the money side, $10k is all he could offer. Upon seeing my disinterested face, he went on saying that he could TRY harder to push it to $20k.

In my opinion, if you could, why didn't you TRY HARDER on your first attempt?
Trying to catch a fish with half the bait-size.
When you finally offer a full-size bait, the fish may have figured out your dirty tricks.

It just shows how cheapo the company is and how 'sincere' they are in showing their appreciation towards their staff.

The fact that I have been underpaid for who-knows-how-many-years, any extra money would just be a 'back-pay' than a pay rise.

Nevertheless, the conversation ended well, harmonious, and peaceful. I said I'll have a think about his offer (it's the company's offer to be exact, not quite to do with him) and get back to him tomorrow.

As I walked out of the room, a sense of liberation crawled over me. Decision was made.
I was thankful that he didn't offer a big deal which would render it hard for me to reject.
Thanks for indirectly guiding me to the exit.

It was a great 6 years.

resignation - part 2

how much you know/remember of a person, shows how much you actually care

Second round...

D: What prompted the move?
Me: Opportunities. Career growth. Anything but number-crunching. I wanna be more involved in the process of delivering a package than to just sit behind the machine and crunch numbers.
D: Ok. What have you worked on before Foxground (my current project)?
Me: Northwest rail link (NWRL).
D: What was your role in that?

Despite us being on NWRL together, he has no clue on what my role was for the last 12 months. He is either too forgetful and ignorant or I was insignificant.

Me: Substructures and the approach viaduct design.
D: Before NWRL?
Me: blablablabla
D: Ok. It has been number-crunching the whole time.
Me: Yeah. Exactly.

D: How much more are they offering you?
Me: xx%
D: That's a lot! *with eyes popping out*
Me: ...(in my head: the percentage's huge only because you're paying peanuts)
D: How much are you getting now?
Me: xxx
D: How many years of experience have you got?
Me: zzzz. (Before I could say six, he was about to say three)
D: Thr...
Me: SIX
D: Six???
Me: YES. SIX.
D: Ohhhh. You're obviously underpaid.
Me: I am (OBVIOUSLY and SERIOUSLY).

Do I look that young and youthful that he mistaken me for a 3-years graduate?
Are my knowledge and diverse capability too ordinary to be noticed?
Can a 3-years graduate do the things I'm capable of doing?

Well, hahaha, I agree I do look younger than my age (sometimes).
And no. My knowledge and capability have surpassed that of a 3-year graduate.
I  choose to believe that he is too indulged in his own busy schedule that he failed to realise that time flies and he has to top up the sugar-coating on the cupcake from time to time.

D: Let me work something out for you. I'll speak to J to see if he has the kind of work you wanna do. In terms of the money, I'll try to sort something but I can't guarantee at this point how much it's gonna be.
Me: Okay.
D; What about we discuss again this afternoon? Say 2pm?
Me: Okay.

As I left the room, I wondered why he even tries so hard to retain me.
Why didn't he do it all these while?
It's a simple example of how human take people/things for granted.
Why wait for the hole in your stomach to realise that you haven't been eating well?
Or worst case, you kinda forgotten you have a stomach.