not ours to keep

not ours to keep

We only had 5 days of 2017 with you before you left us to the other side of the beautiful world.

As unexpected as things could be, this is not something I'd thought would happen. Ever.
I ached. For you, for your mum, your dad, and everyone in the family whose life you'd been a part of.

The trip back home in Nov 2016 which I dreaded much, became the most 'unregrettable' trip as I saw you for the last time.

Thanks for the wonderful 714 days.
Watched you grow from a grumpy-looking baby to a beautiful and adorable toddler.
Thanks for the wake up call, reminding us to appreciate everyone around us as tomorrow might not come.
Thanks for the lesson you gave us, so we know what to do better next time.
Thanks for having me in your life and allowing me to be in yours.

To those who thought losing a niece was easy, wait till you have one whom you love and care like she was your daughter.
To the few who felt my pain, thanks for the understanding texts and for crying with me.
Thanks for being there in hiding - that's just what I needed.

To my little angel, you will be missed.
Do visit my dreams every now and then, till we meet again.

This never made it to you.
And shall be passed on to the next person who could use it.

time flies

when you're too occupied with life

In the midst of disappearing from the blog, I moved. Again.

No, I haven't lost count of how many places have I lived in, in the last 10 years.
If it's more than two handfuls, the number doesn't really matter anymore. It's one too many.

My flatmate was gonna move into her new apartment.
If I kept the apartment that we were renting, I'll have to find someone to rent the 2nd bedroom.
The horrific experience living with a horrendous tenant was a wake up call for me.
If there was a choice, I will not go down the path of living with a stranger. Never again.

The period where I was busy packing for house-moving was also the same time I went for a job interview, resigned, and served my resignation notice.

Before I could even fully unpack, I travelled to Tokyo and Melbourne, then back and started my new job.

In a blink of an eye, 3 months have passed since I started the new job.
All is well with the new job and new apartment.

It's suddenly the last day of 2016!!!

quarter-life crisis

first-world problem

25 was when quarter-life crisis struck me for the first time.

Being new to the workforce with much more to learn from the veterans...
Having savings which allow me to be jobless for a year or two but not enough for anything bigger...
Being surrounded by friends whom I knew for less than 4 years and most were still in uni...
And being in a relationship which I'm not sure of its future...
Basically, everything's not here nor there.

Hence, came the doubt of whether I'm at the right place at all.

The questions which came across my mind were:

Do I like my job?
Is this what I wanna do for the next 10 years?
Do I follow my passion or continue doing what I'm doing for the sake of making a living?
What's my passion?
What are my life goals?
Where would I be in 5 years?
Where do I want to be in 5 years or 10?
Am I mixing with the right circle of friends?
Should I expand my network, mix with a more mature bunch?
Should I move back to be closer to my family?
Have I made full use of my life thus far?
When should I settle down?
What do I do with my savings?
Is it too much to dream of buying my own property?
How and when do I wanna retire?
Am I happy where I'm at?
Is life all about earning, living, saving, repeat?
If I die tomorrow, does anything still matter?

There were good and bad days.
I'd see my boss work till 7pm and wonder is this the life I want.
I'd look at my colleague who leaves at 5pm sharp to pick up his kid and shudder at the idea of settling down and having kids.
I watched the sushi-maker at a Japanese shop make sushi and thought maybe I'd be happier and more stress-free with a hands-on job like this.

Some days I'm grateful for my engineering job and the money it pays.

Some days I think it's meaningless spending 12 hours a day (including travel time), 5 days a week on work.
Some days I'm proud of my job and the difference it brings to the wider community.
Some days I'd think maybe going back to Msia for good is a better idea, some days I'd be like better not.

It's a constant never-ending cycle; until the mind is determined to get itself out of the cycle.

So I decided to take 3 months break.
Away from work.
Away from relationship.
Away from the confusing environment.
Went on a backpacking-style holiday to Hanoi.
Took care of my newborn nephew.
Did nothing for the rest of the break.

After 3 months...

I decided that I shall go back to being an engineer because it's a better-paying job than a junior sushi-maker. Just joking Lol.
The aim was to save more money, at least financially prepare myself for future endeavours. Perhaps retire by 40?
I also thought I should live more like a working-adult and less like a student to 'feel' belong and more connected to the life of a mid-twenties.
I shall also pay more attention to national and world news/info which I should be concerned of: taxes, property, finance, politics, budget, health, etc. Knowledge has to grow with age. Otherwise, it's called being ignorant and living in denial.

I stopped doubting my career path.
I had an aim with my savings.
I became picky with friends.
Invested more time on the right people and less on the not-so-right ones.
Sydney will be the place to be. Unless circumstances change in the future.
Most of the my doubts were answered and direction set.

5 years on...

30 was when the crisis struck me again.
This time at a different level, not as serious as before. Lol.
My career path is kinda fixed.
There's no more questioning about passion and interests.
There is a balance of young immature friends, fun and happening friends, stable and successful friends, and long-term trustworthy friends.
And also some friends/ex-colleagues/colleagues from work.
Settled with one property.
I couldn't have asked for anything more.

The questions are now:

Am I progressing well enough in my career?
Should I bother being a chartered professional in my field?
Would I stay long enough in this field to make the chartership worthwhile?
What do I do with my savings?
Who should be my beneficiaries?
What other things - investments, small business - can I venture in?
Can I retire by 40?
Have I spent the last 30 years well? Could I have done better?
What can I do now so I don't regret at 40?

Hahaha.
Perhaps I think too much but it's good to know I'm not the only one.
It's a common first-world problem.
The ones who think will get somewhere, the ones who don't will stay put forever. 
The way to get over it is to face the questions, find answers for the 'why, what, who, how, when', and execute upon them.

If we know how to drive, and there are roads to travel on, rest assured that we'll end up somewhere.
Those who refuse to learn how to drive and refuse to pick a road, will hence stay where they are for good or worse.

I know how it feels like to be doubtful and doubted as I was once there myself.
One advice to people who have symptoms of this crisis is, gratitude.
Counting blessings and recalling the things you're grateful of are ways to remind you that you're already doing well and you're good where you're at.

seize the moment

don't take moment and opportunity for granted

Within a couple of weeks, I've heard news of people's loved one passing away due to heart attack/stroke. With no warning nor goodbye. Three of them.

They reminded me of how unpredictable life is and how chaotic it could be at times. 

And then this quote came along.

The women, concerned of the amount of calories they consume, waved off the dessert cart.

For they thought they'd have chance to come back to it another time - dessert can wait - the ship then sank. 

Such is life. 

Seize the moment.

As now, then, and later won't ever be the same.

As now is now, then is past.

As later is a product of now. 

Moment - seize, reminisce, and not freeze.

monday mess

life gets messy sometimes,
in order to stay interesting

Decided to not 'race' to work today.
Left home at 8.40am for the 'walking meditation' to the station. Lol.
Stopped by Macq Centre to recharge the Opal.
Got in to work at 9.40am.

1. When I was making coffee, one engineer came in, asked about my weekend, thanked me for sharing the 'Better Place' to them, followed by 'I've completed A and B, when you're ready can you come around my desk to explain the next task to me.' I said Ok (but let me have my brekky, read some news and articles, and check my emails first? Haha).

2. As I sat down and checked my phone, I saw texts from the housemate who's moving out this Friday. She's moving out on Friday but only paid till Thursday. I was giving her kind reminder on the rent. She let go at me and called me RIDICULOUS. I hesitated on whether I should point out to her that there is something called 'courteous' in the English dictionary which we should use when dealing with issues and talking to people. In the end, I told her not to be cranky and be more calm and professional. Hahaha.

Halfway through, I decided to stop dealing with her as it starts to affect my mood for the day. Only got back to her after the day has wound down a little and I'm mentally ready to deal with her shit.

She gave up replying. Maybe I had too much facts which she can't win over. Lol. 

When she got home, we discussed in a peaceful manner, and she said sorry for being mean and harsh, and I'm not the only person she's mean to today. Well okay, not that I take your 'barking' seriously anyway. Thanks for training and putting my patience to test. I think I passed the test again.

3. I'm supposed to review some drawings and designs for issue by lunchtime. Found so many funny notes in the drawings, by the ex-team leader. Now that my name is going to be on the drawings, I need to make sure I don't look like a clown. The designer is working in another office which makes communication more difficult and slow.

4. Then this email came in, Subject: ACTION REQUIRED: EXPENSE CLAIM REJECTED.
The email shows that the sender is the accountant in the UK office. UK? What the hell?
So I hit forward to the accountant in Sydney and the IT guy who designed this crippled accounting system, and CC the Operations Manager of Sydney office.

As I was typing the email, the Sydney accountant turned up beside me and went 'Hahaha'.
Like wtf? Sitting next to me, laughing at my screen?
I looked at her and said 'Sorry, I'm pissed now, give me a minute I need to type this email.'

My email went "Can someone tell me what is happening here? Expense claims often get stuck in the cloud for ages and only to be informed that it hasn't been processed. Let me know where do I go from here. Thanks and Regards."

When I turned to the accountant,
Me: Yes? What are you here for?
Her: 'I rejected your 10 dollars claim.'
Zzzzz.
Me: Why? And why did the email has to come from the UK? *looking calm on the outside, but eyes rolling on the inside*
Her: I thought it was mistake. So I declined. But I ask M, he said it was right. So maybe you want to submit it again. That's not from UK, it's by the system.
Me: Why did you think it was wrong?
Her: I didn't know. I thought you shouldn't charge it to a Project.
Me: (that's the dumbest thing to say and do) *screaming in my lungsssssss* 
Her: Can you resubmit?
Me: Ok. I'll do that when I'm free. *roll eyes for the millionth time*
Her: Are you still pissed?
Me: Ya, kinda. It's a freaking crap system. Why does one claim have to go through 4 diff people, back and forth? That's the only thing he is paid to do here, and he can't even get it right. What is he here for?

Honestly, they should have paid whatever price for a 'healthy' system than paying this IT guy some ongoing salary for a crap system. Why does accountant have the right to reject claims which were approved by the Project Manager? It should be as simple as 3 steps: Submit. Approve. Pay.
And not Submit. Send On. Approve-1. Approve-2. Finalise. Pay. Shit system.

5. The engineer came back again cos I forgot to drop by her desk to explain her next task. In fact, I didn't forget, I haven't stopped since I got in. Ok. There goes 20 mins. And then another person came. And another one. I wonder why they can't pick up things on their own. If I managed to do it, I don't see why they can't. Not angry, just tired of repeating. :(

6. Because the admin did not come in today, I had to answer every freaking call and every freaking garage buzz for her. How many things can I handle at a time man? I was so annoyed with it that I sent out emails asking everyone to inform me if they are expecting guests to come through the garage. I will now ignore all uninformed buzz's.

7. A friend is visiting this week and I'm kinda packed. Thought I could use a little help from another friend to accompany this friend. But the first thing she told me was, I can only do Fri dinner or Sat dinner or Sun brunch. OR??? Ok. Not very helpful but that's okay. I'll put this aside for today cos my brain is getting too overwhelmed by now.

8. Then, the sampat girl in Msia text me to see if she could use my aussie address to get some swimming trunks delivered. It's for her husband's cousin's sons. BOYSsss. I was like what kind of trunks have to be specially bought from Aus? She said Funky Trunks.

So I had these funky men in funky trunks on my wide screen monitor while I typed the delivery address to her. Suddenly, the engineering manager came behind me. And went....'C, do you know where's Ann.............oh wow! What's that?'

=_=""""""

Me: Hahahahaha. Woops.
Him: Hahaha. *paiseh face*
Me: Hahaha. My friend's asking me to buy some trunks. (Omg. The dumbest reply ever! My 'friend' is a female, and the trunks are for BOYS, website shows MEN. I'm not actually shopping for trunks for a male. zzZZzzz)
Him: *trying to continue talking but keep getting distracted by the funky stuff*. Hahaha I'll pretend like I never saw it. *close his eyes*

I quickly minimised the browser while he talks. Lol.

9. And then, the unibuds club president text me to see if I can attend a meeting this Sunday morning, to share some experiences/knowledge or anything. Ahhhhhhhhhh. Can the day get any more exciting? Thankfully, I have a roommate who has met almost all of my friends. Lol. She agreed to accompany my visiting-friend on Sunday morning so I'm able to 'help' attend the meeting.

Left work at 5.30pm. Goal achieved!

Despite a longgggggg and somewhat taxing Monday, I believe the week will only get better. Hehe.

work to live

work to live

38 hours week + 200% efficiency

Now that the team leader is gone, I was requested to step up as the lead in the interim of them hiring someone with the right experience for the type of works we do. With the nightmare we went through with an incapable leader, they now realised the importance of right experience.

Over night, my scope of works now includes design reviews, give technical input, and attend meetings with the clients and project managers; at the same time managing and working on another project which dues in 2 weeks.

No matter how busy work is, I believe in working efficiently within the 'standard' working hours of not more than 8 hours spent at work (including time spent for lunch), maximum tolerance is 8.5 hours. Anything more than that, I'll feel like life is meaningless and I then need to throw a sickie to readjust mentally.

Whenever people ask what time can I make it for dinner (after work), I always say ANYTIME. Even if it's 5.30pm, I'll make it there. Working hours should be adjusted to suit personal commitments, not the other way round.

It's been a struggle to keep up with my no-OT philosophy lately. With deadlines, random meetings, and random tasks popping up here and there. Also suddenly been grabbed into a 1 hour interview and last minute meeting invites.

The alarm used to be 6.45am.
Then 6.30am.
Recently, it's 6 or 6.15am.

Finishing hour used to be BY 5.30pm. Then 6pm. Then 6.30pm.
Now 7pm seems normal.

Things only feel worse without Daylight Saving Time,
Catching the sun when it's at its meanest position - shining right in front of your eyes.
Missing the romantic sunsets.
Leaving the office only when the street lights are on.
Going home to junk for dinner because it's too late to make proper food.
And laundry is left out for half a week, and another 1.5 weeks in before it gets sorted and ironed.

This is UNSUSTAINABLE.

At the same time, the housemate thinks it's perfectly NORMAL to work 11 hours a day, regardless of the efficiency and the crap (or no) dinner after work. I could never understand this concept, until I recalled, she gets paid by the hour. The more inefficient they are, the richer they get. Oh well...

If I ever became a boss, I shall never condone working OT in my business.
Get your job done and get out of the office after 5pm. Shit. Don't bludge around and expect to get paid extra.

The lengthy working hours make me a lifeless fish on weekdays.
I only come alive after I step out of the office on Friday night.
So bad.
Life should really be 24/7 not 24/2.

When I left at 6.20pm on Thursday for a Birthday dinner, my colleague was surprised.
You leave early today!, he said.
6pm = early?
Should I be happy that I actually left 'early' or I should mourn cos I haven't left earlier than 6pm in a long time? :(
He then asked, Do you work to live, or live to work?
I startled.
My motto has always been eat to live, work to live.
Based on my recent records, it now seems funny if I told him I work to live.
So I said, I live to work for now, but it won't be long. And forced out a smile, while mourning inside.
It hits me at the right spot. I'm literally living to work now.

Goal set.

For the coming weeks, I'll work the normal 38 hours cos I want my life back!

chess

blessed to grow up without technology

Derek once told me, one decision he did right as a kid was to learn how to play tennis.

Being good at tennis was one of the reasons he didn't have problem settling in when he first came to Sydney as people always count him in for quality games. He was never left out on weekend tennis. And that's where friendships were made quickly.

I thought to myself, do any of my childhood hobbies actually enhance my life as an adult? I don't think so, no.

As kids, our 3 main 'toys' were Lego, barbie dolls, and chess.
Lego has probably sparked the 'engineering' side of me.
Barbie. I don't think it brings any benefit really. Her life objective is to dress up for dates with Ken. Such shallow mentality. Girls have better things to achieve in life. Lol.
As for Chess, after the topic was randomly brought up by my sis, now I believe it does play a huge part in shaping my personalities and way of thinking.

We used to represent our schools in chess competitions.
Not that I'm extremely good at it, there just weren't enough people to make up the team.

In a chess competition, there is one timer for each player.
When it's your turn, your timer runs. Once you completed your move, you stop your timer which then automatically activates your opponent's timer.
The game may end at any time if any of players' time runs out.
It's not just about trying to checkmate your opponent, it's also a race against time.

There's also the touch-move rule in chess. If a player touches a piece on the board during his turn, he must then move that piece during his turn. If he touches the opponent's piece, he must then make moves to capture that piece during his turn.

What is a chess game like?

- Plan and think ahead of not just your own moves but your opponent's moves too. 

- Observe your opponent's each and every move to find out his intentions and forecast his next move/game plan.

- Think before you act. Do not touch anything on the board until you're sure.

- You don't have all the time in the world to think or make decision as the clock ticks down.

- Every move should be strategised with purpose - to threaten, to trap, to lure, to kill, to defend, to distract, to slow, to run for life or to force the opponent into taking a certain move.

- Sometimes you have to sacrifice the less important (or least favourite) pieces to keep the 'useful' ones.

- Sometimes you kill for the sake of being killed. The less pieces there are on the board, the easier it is to have an overview of the game. 

- No talking, pure thinking, full concentration.

- Every time a move is taken by yourself or the opponent, you quickly repeat the what-if, if-not, if, and say-if in your head because the dynamic of the board changes with every move.

- You sit face to face with your opponent for about an hour but the only words spoken are Check, Touch-move, Castling, Checkmate, and Good-game. 

So what has chess instilled in me?

- 'One step at a time' is a good way to not over-stress on things but sometimes we gotta think and plan a few steps ahead to have a more 'structured' life.

- Observation is a good way to get to know someone better inside out - why they do/act/say/react in certain ways. We don't always need to ask or judge, just observe and learn.

- Never do/act/say/react on things before thinking through the consequences or alternatives. Touch-move serves as a good reminder.

- Think and make decision there and then unless the decision is dependent on other factors which are not within your control. The habit of not wanting to commit until the last minute is a form of running away from things. Time waits for no man.

- Always be reminded that each step taken in life leads to another. We might as well take the steps purposefully, making full use of the chance we have.

- You can't have best of both worlds. If it means sacrificing something to keep another, so be it. Know what's best for you, make choices, let go.

- Less is more. Trying to hold on to too many things will in turn blind us from the things that truly matter. The lesser we have, the clearer it is to identify and easier it is to grasp on what matters most.

- When I'm quiet, I'm thinking. And often, my thoughts are confined in my head and I'm used to not speaking out.

- Nothing is definite as things are meant to change as we go.

- Silence is not awkward. Some may find it uneasy.

Chess has definitely influenced me in many ways.

My analytical and critical thinking skills, my calmness in facing and solving problems, my observant nature, my habit of not lengthening any decision-making process (not liking to spend so much time thinking of the same things over and over again), my introvert traits, my habit of doing all the thinkings in my head and not voicing out, my ability to quickly let go of thoughts/things/people which/who aren't worth or not meant to be, and my love for quiet space. Also, people think chess is: Boring. Slow. Complicated to some. Brain-killing. Not fun. Perhaps that's why I'm a boring person at times. Lol.

Thanks to the aunty (I don't know which aunty) who gave us her spare chess set.

three weeks

so much can happen

We don't normally notice the changes in and around us because they happen gradually that they're unnoticeable.

The same street,
The same tree,
The same people,
The nails,
The pimples,
All look the same every day.

But if you were to recall, a couple of weeks ago...perhaps...

The new restaurant wasn't there,
The tree was green but now it's orange,
A different barista made your coffee,
Your nails were 3mm shorter,
The bloody pimples weren't there.

These are the little changes we fail to notice on a daily basis until they become apparent or until we lose them for good.

Come to think of it, what difference can three weeks make?
And how much can you discover or learn in three weeks?

DAMN A LOT.

In three weeks...

- You spend 70% less time on texting than before.
- Some people left the company and you won't see them any more.
- Banana somewhat causes minor allergic reaction.
- Spicy food must now be taken in moderation.
- You no longer stay up past 12am.
- A friend left the country for good. You'll soon be 7400 miles apart.
- Your music playlist went through an overhaul.
- Half bottle of wine won't affect your ability to walk in a straight line.
- Merlot is a better preference than Shiraz when it comes to red.
- You kinda know now why you never liked kissing.
- You (kinda) saw what you truly want out of a man.
- Loving what you do is rather important especially if you're not doing what you love.
- It's important to look good for yourself and the people you surround yourself with.
- The F-word is contagious. Use with caution.
- The taste of whiskey-coke brings back memories of when you were 18, when Chivas started becoming part of your life dictionary.
- Good scotch brings back memories of when your Dad woke up one morning to find his bottle of Blue Label empty and Grandma's response was 'you didn't share it with me'.
- Be a person who will be missed, who brings positive impact to people's lives, and whose absence will make the heart grow fonder.
- Never get mad at people and point fingers before understanding what's happening on their side of the world.
- Know what you're worth and settle for nothing less than what your deserve.

Three weeks...

...so short yet so long.

For all that happened and didn't happen, there are greater reasons behind them, I believe.

make a stand

make a stand for ourselves and others, for the change we want to see in the world

Came across this page from Brave by Margie Warrell.

"...make a stand for something: for the values we care about, for the difference we want to make, for the causes we believe in and for the injustice we don't."

This reminds me of the people whom I've come across in life.

Those who do not stand for themselves.

Those who see wrong and not make it right - just because minding their own business is the best for them, but is it the best for others?

Those who blindly apply 'let it go' for most things in life - it makes peace and makes you look like a saint for the moment but it does not change anything for the better or make a difference.

I was assigned a window seat on my flight to Yangon. As we were the last few to board the flight, there was already a Burmese guy on my seat. Oh well, I'm an aisle person so it doesn't really matter if the window seat was taken - middle seat won't make any difference.

So I sat on his middle seat instead. Not long after, there was an announcement specifically reminding passengers to be seated at their allocated seats and changing seats are not allowed.

Haha. Okay. It must have happened so frequently on this route that such reminder is required. After hearing the announcement, so many thoughts ran through my head.

- What's the consequence of changing seats?
- What happens if the flight attendants found out? I'm gonna argue that they were the one who didnt make sure he sits on his own seat.
- Do I ask him to surrender my window seat? (But I don't want to change seat cos he looks oily and smells of something, it's better if he stays where he is)
- Do I tell him that I'm aware that he has taken my seat but it's no biggy? (Just so he knows that he is on the wrong seat)
- Would he get annoyed and stab me with a knife?
- Could he pass the security scans with a knife on him? What is impossible in Msia?

I decided to close my eyes and go to sleep. Hahaha.

While waiting for the plane to take off, he was constantly on the phone, texting or taking selfie. I wonder if the AirAsia staff were his friends that they all deliberately missed him when doing the routine seatbelt and electronic devices check. Wth...

This joker was still texting and taking videos when the safety demonstration took place. I was freaking annoyed because I am kiasi. What impact could an electronice device have on the take off? I have no idea. But if they set out a reminder, there ought to be reasons for it.

So when the joker was not aware, I pressed the 'assistance' button. Hahaha. The steward came over, I pretended like it wasn't me who press it. Then he saw the joker with the phone and told him to switch it off. He did as told...for a few seconds before he turned it on again. Zzzz.

He continued recording video of the take off. I couldn't stand it anymore. Wtf....I should have taken the window seat from him. So I tapped on his shoulders and told him no handphone. He said Okok.

After few seconds, he took out his phone again and gave me the "quiet" sign - signalling me not to tell the staff. Zzzz. At that moment, I gave up. I could only pray that the plane will take off safely and I don't end up dying because an idiot decided to record video of the take off.

If only he speaks english or chinese, I would have told him that nobody will ever watch his stupid video because it was recorded at an angle, it gives headache, and YouTube has better videos...most importantly, he is putting everyone's life at risk (I think? Haha).

As I'm still able to write this post, it means the plane took off and landed safely. Hehe. But it doesn't mean that what he did was right. Getting away once means he might repeat this in future. Ya it was a peaceful ending for us, but does it change anything for the better?

The next time around, I will let whoever know that he is on the wrong seat but he can continue to enjoy the window seat if he wants to. If he is keen, I will give him a lesson on how to read the tickets and take the right seat. And handphone is strictly prohobited during take off and landing!

"...fall mindlessly into the path of least resistance, maximum self-interest and minimal contribution...contributes little to the welfare of others..."

It's easier to close an eye on issues than to stand and voice out our views (not in a critical manner) for the betterment of others. Wrong application of 'letting go' of issues could lead to ignorance.

Everyone plays a part in making the world a better place. Don't keep mum when you could have made things change for the better.

strange fate

something more than stranger

For 3 Mondays in a row...

Same time.

Same train line.

Same 4th upper carriage from the front.

Same 3 grannies.

Different starting point.

Different destination.

Different reasons for being in the 4th carriage.

Different concerns for choosing the upper carriage.

Funny how little things like these, could make people cross paths.

This scene is a kind of comfort which reminds me of popo at home.

They've unintentionally become my 'companions' to start off the week. 

Hope to see them for as many Mondays to come, in healthy shape and size.

'moving' quotes

If it's meant to be, it will be.

Below are quotes which force us to face the ugly truths which we sometimes deliberately ignore.
Subconsciously, we do know what we should do.
It's a triple hit!

The same mistake if repeated, is a choice.

I will bear this in mind.

p/s: Random discovery >>> Search "Repeating the Same Mistake Quotes" and go to 'images'. Hopefully, more people will stumble upon this and grow from their mistakes.

communication skills

communication, bridges to all minds

This week, we had one full day of communication training at work.

The course first helps us to identify and understand ourselves better and then, identify the behaviours of people around us be it families, friends, or colleagues. By knowing the behaviours of others, we could then communicate using a better approach.

I find this course well-needed as we are all new to the company where no one has worked with anyone in the office for longer than 6 months. Hence, no one can really tell the true behaviour of another person yet. It comes to a point where we start to get frustrated at times with particular people in the office.

For example:
- The admin and her fussy house-keeping rules
- People not replying emails
- People not aware of meeting agendas

The course identifies 4 types of people - the purple, yellow, red, and blue.
The trainer plays a set of slides with over 50 characteristics for each of these colours. Each time a characteristic for a certain colour describes you, give yourself one point for that colour. The colour with the highest points is your main 'dot', second highest is your second 'dot', and so on.

Below are what I can recall from the course:

Purple
Free and easy
Relaxed
Think into the future
Optimistic about the future
Always need to see the bigger picture of things
Don't like to be asked about details
Not reliable
Exaggerating
Short attention span
Unable to focus on 'now'
Were school trouble-makers
Start strong, finish poor

Yellow
Attention to details
Needs to have ALL details of things
Puts importance on time, quality, making things look very nice
Completes tasks in a timely manner
Organised
Punctual
Inflexible
Have their own idea to do things
Lone worker
Not a good team player
Not approachable
Critical
Aggressive
React without fully-listening

Red
Attention to details
Loves themselves
Lack of emotions
Reluctant to change
Clarity
Direct, straight to the point
Hates people beating round the bush
Gives short and precise replies, holds back on details
Types email in bullet points
Solve problems
Delivery focus
Dominant
Reliable
Loyal
Patient
Forgive but not forget
Always perceived as introverted
Never complains until close to explosion
Win-win or lose-lose, win-lose doesn't exist

Blue
Never shows their guts
Cooperative
Sincere, no hidden agenda
Good at giving 'kind' feedback
Not sociable
Procrastinates
Kind
Caring
Approachable
Takes a long time to make decisions or make up their mind
Over-sensitive
Takes things personally
Emotional
Hates to be called stupid
Avoids confrontation

Purple and blue are people who work with 'feeling'.
Red and yellow are people who work with 'thinking'.

It turns out that out of 21, we have 14 reds, 1 yellow, 3 blues, and 3 purples.

It explains why most of the emails circulating in the office are in bullet points and very lack of emotion, why most of us love giving short replies and never automatically elaborate ourselves. I have to admit, it makes the office atmosphere very robotic and task-oriented. The 'reds' also think that we are fine being called stupid - lack of the 'blue' elements in us.

The ones who organise social stuff, give out chocolates, and bake cakes turn out to be blue dot people.

The ones who love to talk, relaxed, ignore deadlines, never finish the things they start, are miraculously the purple dots.

The lonely yellow dot, turns out to be our dear Miss Admin. LOL!!!

Now that we know each other's colours, it allows us to accept each other's way of doing things - why some people are slack off, why some people are inflexible, and why some are emotionless. Haha.

People's dots can be identified through their environment, appearance, and the way they speak.

Purple
Has messy desk
Dirty desk
Whatever
Not able to locate where things are on their desk
Talkative
Easily strike a conversation

Yellow
Tidy desk
Cleans desk at the end of each day
Nicely dressed
Goes for premium brands
Takes pride in their appearance

Red
Papers in stacks
Able to locate things within the stacks
Hates it when stuff are thrown out without their permission
Short, bullet point replies
Practically dressed
Uses worn out clothing

Blue
Personalised desk with photos, quotes, plant, etc
Prefers to work closely with others
Quiet
Courteous
Comfortably dressed

How do we show appreciation to the different colours?

Purple
Thrive for applause
Praise them daily
Never criticise them
Appreciates words more than gift

Yellow
Gives them positive attention
Organise small things for them

Red
Respect them
Give them honest appreciation
Give them 'practical' gifts
Hates surprises
Don't over praise them, else they feel awkward

Blue
Show that you care
Be sincere
Give them personal/thoughtful gift

I scored Red first and Purple second.
The bullet points, the emotionless emails, the one-word replies, the forgive but not forget, the messy stacked up desk, the inability to handle surprises, etc........all so very true.
As for the 'purple' side of me, it would be the 'whatever' attitude, the short attention span, need bigger picture, hate to be asked about details (in terms of work), was not very compliant with school rules....haha.

Coincidently, the top 3 directors in the office have red and purple as their first two dots.
Does it tell something? Hehehe.

The red majority in the office is because of the engineering nature of our job or we became engineer because we were naturally born as red dots?

In other words, the environment shapes us or we were born into it? Maybe a bit of both?

They say everyone's sequence of dots changes over time due to the people around them, the environment their in, their view on life, and so on. I hope I could drop off the red scale one day, takes things more easily, and be more of a 'blue' person with more emotions - except I hope I won't get affected by the word 'stupid'. Haha.

I did a quick check on my sisters, and they are also high on red. Geezz. Can't believe how long I've been in a robotic environment - being a robot, surrounded by robots for all my life. We should all start working on the 'blue' side of things.

In the end of the day, the course helps identify the 'style' of people around us, so that we can appreciate their good qualities, be more acceptable of their ridiculous behaviour, use a better approach in dealing with them, and use each other's strengths in bringing out the best of us.

I'm quite doubtful on the end product of having 15 red dots (and possibly more on the way) in a team - robots talking to each other with no feelings. Hahaha. I hope the minority purple, blue, and yellow won't feel suffocated by the reds. They should stop recruiting 'reds' for now.

All in all, it was a great experience which hopefully makes us all a better person in the society, at home, and at work.

live to be happy

人生没有不幸福的人，只有不肯快乐的心

Sitting in the bus
There was silence between us
I turned to check if you're sleeping
Your eyes were open
Lacked of energy in them
Daydreaming.

I wished I've taken the chance to ask
What are your views on life
What makes you happy
What makes you sad
What's happiness to you
What's bothering you.

I wished I was more outspoken
I wished you didn't act tough
I wished you knew there are shoulders for you to cry on
I wished you knew it's okay to cry.

I could have told you
Life isn't about
How old you are
How you look
How much time you have left
What you used to have
What you have or don't have.

Life is a journey
Where we wake up each day
To face the truth of impermanence
Things change
We just have to believe it's always for the better.

When asked what two words do I have for you
I said 乐活
To live happily, or
To live to be happy.

我们应该学会在自我满足中找到快乐。
人生没有不幸福的人，
只有不肯快乐的心。
Happiness is within you.

You said you're happy that I'm happy
But really, it's more like I'm happy that you're happy
After all, all we wanted is for each other to be happy.

Happiness is contagious
And it starts from within us.

Goodbye is not to be said with 有缘再见
It will be 下次再见
你要好好的。

never lose your keys

lessons are best learned through experience

When about to leave home today, I realised I don't have the house keys with me.
With both flatmates out of Sydney, I can't possibly leave the house without my own set of keys.
I searched high and low for it.
And started visualising scenarios if the keys were not found.

- Did I drop it in the garbage room and someone has picked it up?
- Did I leave the keys in the knob after throwing the garbage?
- I can't leave the house without keys, unless I leave the door unlock. But would a thief come by to try his luck and then got lucky?
- I have to cancel my lunch appointment at the very last minute, which is something I really hate doing.
- Can't leave the house = can't go to work on mon and tue until one flatmate returns on wed.
- I can't work from home cos I don't have a work laptop.
- Do I have enough food to last for 3 days? - Yes, heaps of instant noodles, chocolate, and chips.
- Who can come and save me now???

There was no one in mind whom I can call for help.
The feeling of hopelessness crept over me.
What if I'm 70 with no one to my rescue? O.M.G!!!
It's definitely something to think about now before it happens for real.

Anyway, I found the keys under the sofa - not after 30 mins later.
It was a 30 mins filled with what-ifs, gahhhhhhh, kill-me-please, and where-the-heck.

Lessons learnt:
- Check for keys before leaving home
- Pop the keys INTO the bag after getting home - not on or by the side of the bag
- Find a few more reliable friends, at the same time never let the old ones go
- Keep a set of keys with someone whom I can trust

lessons to learn

everyone is our life teacher.

During the team lunch, our 34 year-old engineering manager was asked about the million dollar home he bought two weeks ago. A humble and low-key person he is.

Here are some of his thoughts for sharing (in blue):

- It's a good area with a number of good schools there. There's a national park behind our backyard, nice neighbourhood, peaceful environment. 

- I was thinking if I never do it now at this age, it would get harder in the future. I'd probably not buy anything in the end. It's now or never.

- The key is to start young. 

- I started with a one-bedder before I sold it for a small house. And then I sold the small house for this one, which I wouldn't be able to afford otherwise.

I couldn't agree more with him.
He has moved from a mediocre suburb to a hippy upbeat suburb, and now to a prestigious suburb in Sydney's north, at the same time every time he moved, the size got bigger.
Start small and low, one day you'll get somewhere.

It's like how snowballs are made. We start from a mini palm-sized snowball and roll it until it gets to the size we want and to where we want to place it.  

Many youngsters these days would eliminate this 'rolling' process because they have their parents to pay for the big snowball located readily at where they want it to be.
Not everyone is born with such luck, including myself. Hehe.

The size, location, and other tangibles of the house may impress people for a bit but it's the stories of how you get there and what you've been through before getting there that will make a lasting impression.

While we were all digesting his words, there were a few seconds of silence till he said:

Funny how our priorities change over time.

Priorities - something I've been thinking about quite often recently.

When that sentence was uttered; if we were animation characters, he would be the noble psychic and I'm the ordinary girl with popping eyes and standing hair like Can he read my mind?!?! Haha.

Back then, we bought the house in Annandale because we wanted to live near the local cafes, the bars, somewhere not too far from the city. But after the kids came, Nah...who cares about cafes anymore. Lol. We just move on..... 

Move On - something which puts me at where I am today - new job, new place, new friends...

Priorities gives us a better sense of purpose and direction.
Move On gives us the courage to leave our existing state behind.

Funny how the things he randomly talked about kinda hit the right spots like in an acupuncture therapy.

Apart from his humble and soft-spoken personalities, another thing I admire about him is that he drives a uber old Toyota-Whatever (don't even know which model it is - must be at least 20 years old) which belongs to his mum-in-law. I sat in the backseat of the car, with biscuit crumbs all over the seat and bottom. It's window controls are broken and the back tyre suspension gives a freaking creaking noise. For a moment I thought when we get back to the office, there might be only 3 tyres left. Lol.

How many people in their late 20's to early 30's would consider driving a 'scrap metal' on the road while investing on assets?
Most would rather drive a fancy European car while renting in expensive suburbs.

It's not the old car which impresses me. It's his humbleness and mentality to plan ahead.
A driver of a $1000 borrowed car, owns a million dollar home in Pymble, and stays humble.

This is what makes a lasting impression.

little living thing

hang in there buddy

My new living companion...

As we get busy with the hustle bustle of life, we sometimes forget to stop and breathe consciously. 

Sometimes, life gets tough and we lost our breath.

Sometimes, we question the reason for breathing.

Sometimes, people hope they could stop breathing.

As for this little living thing here...
No matter what day, what season, what weather, what time of the day, what environment, what love, what situation, and what mood it's in...

It just keeps breathing.

And continue to touch lives.

Does this sound like something you can achieve too?

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks...they pass by so quickly. 

As monotonous as life could be, we hardly notice the little changes around us.

But changes do happen.

Rather than wasting time pondering on life's many imperfections, pay attention on the changes around us. 

Appreciate the present moment, it will never be same next.

My little buddy at work has been breathing well.

It's taller now, though a little pale.

But yeah, we just have to keep breathing - consciously.

Continue to touch lives in a positive way and life will be good on us.

job probation - passed

life is also about fulfilling other's expectations

Passed my 3 months probation - in a blink of an eye.

In the review, there were 3 of us in the room. Me, the leader, and the director (who interviewed me).

They have nothing to judge me against as in this 3 months, there was only ONE non-structural project for us to work on. Apart from that, the rest are non-technical stuff like the uncountable client CV's, client's induction modules, company's induction modules, sit-in for unnecessary meetings, unrelated site inspections, report templates, safety inductions, team meetings......

The team leader's remark was: You have an impressive CV. Just that we haven't got related jobs for you to show off your technical skills, unfortunately. 

I was then 'invited' to express my likes and dislikes of the company, its people, the environment, and anything in general.

If I were to be honest with them, I guess by the end of the probation review, I would be told to leave the company if I wish to. LOL.

Instead, I chose the 'professional' path, by saying 'All is good, I have no further comments.'

The director then asked if I'm going to complete my chartership programme anytime SOON.

What??!!!!! LOL!!!

My reply was No?

He: Why not??!
Me: Err...because there's no rush for it?
He: But. Don't you want to practise as an engineer?
Me: I am practising as an engineer now, even without the chartership.
He: Ohh. But don't you like what you're doing? Don't you feel passionate about it? It's engineering. There's so much to explore, so much interesting stuff.
Me: o.O (Hahahhaha. I know engineering is interesting. BUT. It won't get any more interesting by being a Chartered Professional Engineer, would it?)
He: Ok. Tell me what's stopping you?
Me: Nothing really. I'll get it done eventually, just that I wouldn't promise it'll be anytime SOON?
Leader: I think the first step is to get her to enrol as a member.
He: Ohh, you're not even a member????
Me: Haha. No?
He: Why not??!
Me: Cos it costs 600 over dollars and I don't use the benefits which come with it.
He: The company pays for it. You don't have to bear the cost, you know?
Me: I know. But it's still 600 dollars whether it comes from my or the company's pocket. I think it's a waste. The money can be used on other things. Plus, I can work on the chartership programme without having to become a member first.
He: It's ok. It's good for you anyway. And we are paying for it.
Me: .....
He: You can write one chapter a month if you want to go slow. It won't take long isn't it? Just a few pages for each chapter. Ok?
Me: T_T

Omg so naggy like a parent and keep assuring me that the costs will be paid for. Money is not my main concern. Grrrrrr.

I feel like saying 'Hey Dad, I know you have high hopes on me and you really love Engineering. It's been a part of you for over 40 years. I don't wanna disappoint you really, hence I'll do it and prove it to you.....ONE day. But what are we chasing after, may I know?'

Here I am, feeling contented with my current state of life, not chasing, not pushing, not stopping, not complaining.
All of a sudden, my boss came questioning me of my love and passion for my job and the need for further recognition in my career as an engineer.
He is an example of the old-school people who dedicate their whole life into doing one thing and be the best they can.
They preach 'love what you do' than 'do what you love'.

It makes me wanna cry. Haha.
Because he has such high hope on me, pushing me to achieve more, trying to cultivate engineering-passion in me.....
While all I have in mind is to keep life simple, reduce the need to chase, and slowly pace towards the finish line in a walking-meditation mode.
Haha. Very ambition-less I know.
Less is more, remember?
What a high contrast to the picture he has in mind.

Unavoidably, CPEng has now made it to my to-tick list because it is on someone's must-tick list.

Such is life...it's not all about me, myself, and I. 

spring 2015

no matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow

first day of Spring 2015

I was 'commanded' to get out of the office comfort space for site visits.

From risking our lives standing behind steel barriers on 110 km/h highway, to walking on main streets of dodgy suburbs where we were told to be more aware of the people walking near/around us due to the high crime rate, to open bush lands where there could be snakes enjoying their last moments of hibernation.

Apart from the fact that I didn't like to be forced into doing things I don't agree to (as I don't think my presence on site today is necessary) and the reports that I have to prepare from the site visits, I enjoyed the day out. 

One of the perks of being an engineer, is to be able to get some sunshine, be with nature, and discover hidden beauties in no-man's-land - and get paid for it.

I shouldn't be complaining really.

green green grass on the other side of the world

somewhere in Campbelltown

One of the many reasons why I love and appreciate this country more and more each day is that you don't have to be on holidays, in Hunter Valley or Tibet to snap a panoramic photo like this.

Nature is out there for us to explore.

We shouldn't confine our eyes and minds to just the things we've seen and experienced over and over again.

This links back to my thoughts of late that we sometimes fail to notice how much we're attached to the comfort zone we're in that we forgot that there are so much more to life than the 'shelter' we're in.

There are so much more to Sydney than the suburbs we landed on when we first arrived in Sydney.
There are so much more to Australia than Sydney and its Eastern beaches.
There are so much more to what we think we know about ourselves and life in general.

2015 - a year which I experienced the most changes and stepped out of my comfort zone numerous times.

New job, new work environment, new friends, new neighbourhood, moving from east to northwest of Sydney, finally enrolled for a driving test, and so on.

4 months left of 2015. What's next?

who actually cares

one step at a time

This will be my 9th time moving house in 8.5 years, around 6 different suburbs in Sydney.

Tell me about how troublesome it is to move.
3 weeks notice to pack, organise moving and cleaning, decide where to move to, look for a new place, buy furniture, and now look for a suitable person to share the new place with, or otherwise pay $500/week.
All of these, while coping with a full-time job and a super-PMS admin.

My 10th move better be the last!

Ironically, the ones who are truly worried, offered help, tried to help, and helped, are not the ones closest to me. They are also not the one I spend most of my 'fun' time with.

When there is fun, a bunch of people would show up. When there is problem, only a handful show interest in your problem. Some even think it's funny to joke about it.

When in difficult situation, there are 3 types of people we encounter:
- those who put you in the situation
- those who helped
- those who did nothing or turned you down

Each of these people play a role in educating and making us a better person.
Forgive the first type.
Thank the second type and always be grateful to them.
Say 'it's ok' to the third type; perhaps we don't deserve their help but they still deserve ours.

This time around, it lets me see clearly if I do, never did, or will always be a matter to someone. Thanks to the very few who takes my problem as theirs just so I know I'm not in this alone.
Friends who are there during difficult times are worth keeping.
Friends who only show up during fun times are just as good as strangers.
I don't need so many strangers in my life really.

At the meantime, I shall remind myself: 'If money could solve a problem, it is not a problem anymore'.

Thanks to Dad for this simple slogan which makes every problem seems so small.
Inevitably, money can solve all of the 'problems' associated with moving as listed above.

This is one of life's many challenges - putting my perseverance and friendship to the test.

This too shall pass.

sisters

sister is the guardian angel for life

They're the ones who know me inside out, head to toe.

They bear with my weirdest behaviour, lamest jokes, and utter randomness.

They endure my worst farts, worst temper, and silent treatment.

They are the reason how I developed the free and easy habit of leaving home with no cash in my pockets because they have cash in theirs.

They have the best ears (or eyes) when I need to complain just about anything.

They let me be myself without being afraid of being judged.

They are there when all things fail.

We are each other's strengths during the toughest times in life.

We are each other's antidote when one's poisoned by irrationality or overwhelmed with enmities.

We hated each other's bf before because he has taken some of the attentions which belonged to us.

We'd ditch our bf for each other because bfs are 2nd class citizens, sisters are 1st.

We share the same love for cleanliness and tidiness but at times the room could be in a complete mess until someone implodes and starts banging things around, the other will start cleaning obediently.

We share one wardrobe. One size fits all. Though I have the smallest boobs, feet, arms, thighs...=P

We sometimes type in the worst grammars, typos, broken english, and caplang language but there's no problem in understanding each other.

We can communicate through eye contact, body language, and facial expression.

We don't back stab each other, we stab from the front.

We'd walk in the room in our undies, who cares who's undressed and who's fat.

We are careful with our spending but when it comes to spending on each other, we become careless. When I see how others are being calculative with their siblings; down to the cents, I can't help but to feel grateful and thankful for having the most generous sisters one could ask for.

We tell each other the darkest secrets for we know it's the safest place and we won't be judged against.

We compliment each other in many different ways - like how I tend to break the needle of the sewing machine and tangle up the thread in it, they'd fix it up for me. How they freak out at a cockroach, I'd 'settle' it for them. How every piece of pork that big sis hates, ends up on my plate. How all the tofu puffs in the bahkuteh pot, end up on younger sis' plate.

We are made for each other as one is a control freak and one is a follower. I'm the 'whatever, leave me alone'.

When one of us got into trouble, the others would stand up and save the situation.

When one of us needs money, we would say 'Here, take my money'.

When one of us falls down, we'll laugh it off before helping her up.

And so so so so so much more........

Love them to the moon and back! Hugs and mwah!

If you ask if I would replace a sister for anything else in the world, the answer is No, for sister is the best 'thing' ever.

For people who don't have sister, you could still find one in your bestest friend. As people say, best friend is the sister God forgot to give you.

I'm also grateful to have a few of these 'forgotten' sisters in my life.

Suddenly feel like I'm the luckiest person on Earth. :)