job probation - passed

life is also about fulfilling other's expectations

Passed my 3 months probation - in a blink of an eye.

In the review, there were 3 of us in the room. Me, the leader, and the director (who interviewed me).

They have nothing to judge me against as in this 3 months, there was only ONE non-structural project for us to work on. Apart from that, the rest are non-technical stuff like the uncountable client CV's, client's induction modules, company's induction modules, sit-in for unnecessary meetings, unrelated site inspections, report templates, safety inductions, team meetings......

The team leader's remark was: You have an impressive CV. Just that we haven't got related jobs for you to show off your technical skills, unfortunately. 

I was then 'invited' to express my likes and dislikes of the company, its people, the environment, and anything in general.

If I were to be honest with them, I guess by the end of the probation review, I would be told to leave the company if I wish to. LOL.

Instead, I chose the 'professional' path, by saying 'All is good, I have no further comments.'

The director then asked if I'm going to complete my chartership programme anytime SOON.

What??!!!!! LOL!!!

My reply was No?

He: Why not??!
Me: Err...because there's no rush for it?
He: But. Don't you want to practise as an engineer?
Me: I am practising as an engineer now, even without the chartership.
He: Ohh. But don't you like what you're doing? Don't you feel passionate about it? It's engineering. There's so much to explore, so much interesting stuff.
Me: o.O (Hahahhaha. I know engineering is interesting. BUT. It won't get any more interesting by being a Chartered Professional Engineer, would it?)
He: Ok. Tell me what's stopping you?
Me: Nothing really. I'll get it done eventually, just that I wouldn't promise it'll be anytime SOON?
Leader: I think the first step is to get her to enrol as a member.
He: Ohh, you're not even a member????
Me: Haha. No?
He: Why not??!
Me: Cos it costs 600 over dollars and I don't use the benefits which come with it.
He: The company pays for it. You don't have to bear the cost, you know?
Me: I know. But it's still 600 dollars whether it comes from my or the company's pocket. I think it's a waste. The money can be used on other things. Plus, I can work on the chartership programme without having to become a member first.
He: It's ok. It's good for you anyway. And we are paying for it.
Me: .....
He: You can write one chapter a month if you want to go slow. It won't take long isn't it? Just a few pages for each chapter. Ok?
Me: T_T

Omg so naggy like a parent and keep assuring me that the costs will be paid for. Money is not my main concern. Grrrrrr.

I feel like saying 'Hey Dad, I know you have high hopes on me and you really love Engineering. It's been a part of you for over 40 years. I don't wanna disappoint you really, hence I'll do it and prove it to you.....ONE day. But what are we chasing after, may I know?'

Here I am, feeling contented with my current state of life, not chasing, not pushing, not stopping, not complaining.
All of a sudden, my boss came questioning me of my love and passion for my job and the need for further recognition in my career as an engineer.
He is an example of the old-school people who dedicate their whole life into doing one thing and be the best they can.
They preach 'love what you do' than 'do what you love'.

It makes me wanna cry. Haha.
Because he has such high hope on me, pushing me to achieve more, trying to cultivate engineering-passion in me.....
While all I have in mind is to keep life simple, reduce the need to chase, and slowly pace towards the finish line in a walking-meditation mode.
Haha. Very ambition-less I know.
Less is more, remember?
What a high contrast to the picture he has in mind.

Unavoidably, CPEng has now made it to my to-tick list because it is on someone's must-tick list.

Such is life...it's not all about me, myself, and I.